Tag: Emotional Intelligence

Dad Discipline v/s Mom Discipline

Dad Discipline v/s Mom Discipline

A Topic Seldom discussed by Parents!

 

Back in my childhood, Dad worked from 10 am to midnight. Mom was the ‘YellBox’ and when yelling didn’t work, she was the Chhittar Champion Rani, always ranking 1st in society. But when even that failed to work. — “Papa ko aane do, Daant padegi tab seedha hoga”. was the Final Warning – An Indian Patent Disciplinary Sentence proudly used for years by Indian Mothers .

This was the Final Frontier in Discipline and then Dad walked into the scene. Dad just had a look that was accompanied by deafening silence. That look meant “Feel my power”! 

Is it the same today? is there a difference between Mother and Father Discipline? Should there be a difference and how does it account for? Researchers suggest that Father and Mother discipline do differ. This has been now noted and in an unpredictable way. The indication is that children are more immediately influenced by their mothers, but that as they grow older, their father’s disciplinary practices through the years are deeply correlated with their social behavior.

 “Father Effect” as it is called, a difficult topic to be discussed in most Indian Households. Having discussed this topic with many Dads I have been astonished to know that the Dads are awkward to discuss this, Yes, even the CEO DAD!

Physical contact, nurturing, reassurance – remains difficult or not expressed much.

As each day unfolds with more uncertainties for a family today, compared to the ‘Certainty chart’ of family routine and behavior being followed upto early 2000, The traditional father as the head of the home now does not carry the acceptance as it once did. Say Researches. Modern dads might yell or be distant, but that’s no longer accepted as a norm. Children today have a substantively different concept of what a father’s role is supposed to be.

For example, it has come to light after many kinds of research, over changing times and after analyzing different cultures, that, Mothers tend to discipline kids more because they care about their social relationship with their child. That’s why mothers are more likely to take misbehavior personally and in return of which, kids are primed to react more emotionally. Dads are diagonally different here, they tend to discipline because they want their children to grow up to do well in the world and not get denied opportunities. In other words, the impact of paternal discipline may show up later in life because that’s actually the intent.

Thus, Rejection from fathers today contributes to adolescent wariness in social situations in ways that other family relationships do not. Whether harsh and rejecting or empathetic and nurturing, the scientific consensus is that dad discipline does have a substantive impact which is Slow and reflected upon when the child grows up and is out there on her/his own.

This difference is very important to be understood by the Parents themselves.

Most of the misery for the child lies in the fact that each parent wants the other parent to discipline the child, as they do. A very close family member enlightened me on this aspect recently. She stated it beautifully,

“Ishan has me as a Mother, he is served food at the table and the dining time is set at 45 mins. Post which the Table is cleared.

 Ishan has his Father, who ensures Ishan finishes the meal and scrubs the utensils clean”.

Ishan respects both disciplines as the parents don’t fight about which is the correct discipline. Ishan has learned over time to ensure the meal is consumed within 45mins of being served and the utensils to be cleaned as well.

While the above example might not be the ideal common platform of discipline to be followed by all parents, it does give us an understanding that the parents need to first respect their individualities in how they discipline the child because for the child, Both Disciplines are essential!

Who kehte hain na.. 

माँ पानी है, रोज़ पौदे को सींचती है, तो पिता खाद है,पौदे को रखता आबाद है

We need both disciplines in life! 

Santosh Bakhshi

Life Coach. Parenting Coach. A learning Father

How can we address kids Emotional Cravings?

How can we address kids Emotional Cravings?

 

Kids crave for parents undivided attention. Gizmos, gadgets, devices all are an escape route for them when they are not given to do things they truly want to engage themselves with. Have we ever realized just as we have cravings children too crave for a lot of things? Cravings are not only associated with eating disorders or providing for a sweet tooth, there are emotional cravings too. These days the pace of life is so fast that it is easy to shrug off our children’s emotional and psychological needs. How about listening to those cravings of your child and addressing them one step at a time? While it may not be possible to settle all their needs and cravings in one go but as parents can we hear them out by paying close attention to what they truly desire from a parent? All that children need is an emotional connection with their parents or primary caregivers.

 

Here are 10 things that kids crave to do with their parents.

1. Mamma  – Tell me story or read to me

2. Play hide and seek with me.

3. Involve me in your work. Can i help you mamma?

4. Can you get me a surprise today?

5. Can you take me to the garden today?

6. Let’s do a bubble bath together ?

7. Can you put nail paint on me.

8. Come with me, stay with me all the time.

9. When are we meeting my friends ? (Since lockdown this is one of the most frequently asked question by my girls.)

10. Don’t go to the office today. I want to play with you.

 

Well some ‘asks’ are easy and fun while the others may not be easy to address on an everyday basis and that is okay. What is important is, to understand that kids do not need expensive objects or toys, all they require is undivided attention, unstructured playtime and a non judgmental approach from their parents. So, what do your children crave from you? Do give it a thought. Hear them out. It’s time to get reflective and give them what they truly desire from you even if it is in piece-meal.

 

Let’s try to invest time in our children because these will help you build beautiful memories as a family. If we are able to give them the desired attention, that in itself is playing a big role in settling their cravings. So, what are you thinking? Get set going and be a family that has fun rather than the one that’s always on the run.

 

I hope you found this blog useful. Do share your ideas and suggestions on how you think kid’s cravings can be addressed.

 

Happy Parenting!

Aditi Malik

Blogger, Podcaster and Parenting Coach.