We often hear parents and teachers say; “He/ she is an adamant child.” “He disturbs the whole class”. “She never finishes her work”. He is rude to others.
But rarely do we stop for a second and ask: This begs the question: Why is this child acting in such a manner? Behaviour, according to psychology, is never haphazard. It is never random and is based on past experiences, present environment and future needs. Builders like John Bowlby and Abraham Maslow have shown that there are always human needs that are not being met and that this influences behaviour greatly. All children have different stories. The children have different experiences. Every child is different; If perceptions are different, then behaviour will also be different.
Behaviour Is Communication – Theories of Behaviour Control
“. Adamant may be seeking autonomy. Disturbing the class may be seeking attention or recognition Avoiding work may be incompetence or fear of failure. Disrespectful behavior may carry hurt, anger, or an unmet emotional need.
The question is not:
“How do we stop this behaviour?”
The real question is:
“What need is this behaviour expressing?”
Understanding the Core Needs of Children
To guide children effectively, parents and teachers must be aware of three major categories of needs:
- 1. Physical Needs Adequate sleep Diet/Nutrition Play and movement Regulating sensory A sleep-deprived or overstimulated child is incapable of emotional regulation.
- 2. Emotional Needs Love and belongingness Unconditional acceptance Emotional validation Attachment without fear Behaviour becomes defensive when a child feels emotionally unsafe.
- Psychological Need Autonomy (freedom to choose within limits) Competence (need to feel capable) Appreciation Esteem Predictability and security Children may develop the following when these needs are overlooked Self hatred ,Aggressiveness ,Social withdrawal, Anxiety ,Rebellion.
The Role of Parents and Teachers
Controlling unacceptable behaviour is not about punishment. It is about providing guidance. And guidance is possible only when the adults develop:
- 1. Listening Skills Rather than listening to understand, most adults listen to respond. The child will talk more with the parent if he/she feels listened to, and not judged. Instead of; “Stop arguing!” Children tend to open up better with them when they are not judged but listened to. Resistance reduces when one listens.
- 2. Patience : Emotional regulation is a learned skill, not something that a person is born with. Thus, if adults react impulsively, children learn to be impulsive. On the contrary, if adults respond calmly, their children learn to regulate themselves. Children borrow adult’s nervous system.
- Positive Communication Positive communication refers to Correcting behaviour without assaulting identity, Separating the child from the behaviour, Respectful tone and body language. Not to; “You are lazy. Say “I see your homework is incomplete. Let’s figure out what made it difficult today.”
Don’t label, guide. Repeated labelling creates identity; Children begin to behave according to the label given to them.
Why Is Awareness Declining Today?
Nowadays: Nuclear families diminish shared caregiving. Parents are busy and their brains tired. Patience is at a premium. Social networks take away emotional attention. Preferring quick fixes over comprehensive understanding.
We want instant results, but child development is not instant. Children need some time. Relationships require presence.
The Long-Term Impact of Mishandling Behaviour
When adults; Blame, Label, Compare, Shame, React harshly; However, the child will obey only for a while. But internally, they may end up with: Low self-confidence, Repression of emotions, Obedience based on fear, Low confidence, Resentment. These unresolved emotional patterns resurface later, either during adolescence or adulthood.
So, How Can We Truly Understand Children?
Ask three questions to yourself;
Ask yourself three questions:
- What might this child be feeling?
- What need could be unmet?
- How can I respond instead of react?
When Adults get trained in Child psychology, Emotional regulation, Positive communication, Need-based behavioural analysis. It becomes easier to raise the child.
Final Reflection
Children are not hard to deal with. Unmet needs are hard. Behaviour is a signal, not a personal attack. If we shift from controlling children to understanding them, to labelling to listening, from reacting to responding. We will simply not correct behaviour We will raise emotionally strong adults.
