How Awareness, Acceptance, Acknowledgement, and Application Helped a Mother Rediscover Faith in Her Child
- 1. The Challenge: “Mera Beta Mere Haath Se Nikal Gaya”
“Ma’am, mera beta mere haath se nikal gaya!”
These words reflected a distressed mother’s anxiety about her Class XII son. His board and competitive examinations, including JEE Main, were approaching, yet he was spending increasing amounts of time on his mobile phone, struggling to focus and scoring poorly in coaching tests.
As a parenting coach, I wanted to understand what lay behind his behaviour rather than judge him solely on his academic performance.
After two sessions, I learned that the closure of the dummy school where he had spent much of his schooling, followed by a school change and an unfamiliar environment, had affected him deeply. Along with the challenges of adolescence, he was struggling to adjust and manage his studies.
- Awareness: Understanding Before Reacting
I helped the mother recognise how her anxiety was influencing her communication with her son. Repeatedly reminding him of lost time or saying, “Tumse nahi ho payega” and “Tum bas mobile mein lage raho, time waste karte raho” could further discourage him.
I told her, “Your goal is not to pass on your anxiety to your son. Your goal is to help him move forward from where he is today.”
With only two and a half months remaining, completing the entire syllabus was unrealistic. We needed to focus on what we could still achieve.
The shift was from asking, “Why is my child wasting time?” to asking, “What does my child need from me at this stage?”
- Acceptance: Starting Where the Child Is
Acceptance did not mean giving up academic expectations. It meant acknowledging the child’s present situation and working realistically from there.
We divided the remaining syllabus into a day-wise, marks-wise plan. Mother and son initially agreed to cover approximately 70% of the syllabus, prioritising important topics. This practical approach eased the mother’s anxiety, and she took leave from her public-sector job to support her son.
We shifted our attention from lost opportunities to the possibilities that remained.
- Acknowledgement: Recognising Effort and Potential
I encouraged the mother to avoid negative remarks and practise encouragement.
She called me daily to discuss her son’s routine. Although she often had complaints, she ended each call by telling me she had not said anything negative to him that day. I appreciated her efforts because she, too, was learning to change.
One day, she called me repeatedly while I was at a family gathering. She was crying because she had caught her son talking to a girl.
“Ye toh bigad gaya hai!” she exclaimed.
I laughed and said, “Congratulations!” I wanted her to view the incident differently rather than treat it as proof that her son was going astray. I advised her not to scold or taunt him and later discussed adolescence and the importance of trust.
I also explained that praise should not be limited to marks and achievements. We must acknowledge effort, progress, persistence, and the willingness to try again. Instead of saying only, “You scored well,” we can say, “I can see how much effort you put into preparing for this test.”
Gradually, the mother began recalling her son’s earlier achievements. She sent me photographs of his gold medal from the Class VIII Science Olympiad and other certificates. These memories helped her see beyond his current struggles and reconnect with his abilities.
Sometimes, a child needs an adult who believes in their potential until they can believe in it themselves.
- Application: Turning Awareness into Action
The mother began applying these learnings daily. She worked on her responses, avoided negative remarks, and encouraged her son while focusing on realistic goals and consistent progress.
By December, he had revised 50% of his Physics and Mathematics syllabus with help from his mother and Chemistry tutor. Although his pre-board results were not very good, we developed strategies for further preparation instead of allowing those marks to define his abilities.
The outcome was heartening. He cleared his Class XII board examinations with flying colours and secured admission to a good engineering college in Noida, in his preferred branch.
The Key Learning
Change the Lens, Change the Possibilities
This journey was not just about academic success. It was about a mother learning to manage her anxiety, change her responses, and rediscover faith in her child.
Praise the effort. Acknowledge the progress. Guide the behaviour. Above all, keep believing in your child—even when circumstances seem unfavourable.
Sometimes, the most important change in a child’s life begins when a parent changes the way they see their child.
By
SHRADHA AGARWAL
HAPPY PARENTING HUB
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