Tag: Conscious Parenting

Faiza Parvez published in Articles, Blogs, Community

EFFECTIVE TIPS TO RAISE KIDS IN A JOINT FAMILY


EFFECTIVE TIPS TO RAISE KIDS IN A JOINT FAMILY

Raising kids in a joint family can be a great way to provide them with a strong support system and a sense of community. However, it can also be challenging, as there are often more people involved in decision-making and discipline. Here are some tips for raising kids in a joint family:

  • Communicate with your extended family. It’s important to communicate with your extended family about your parenting goals and expectations. This will help to ensure that everyone is on the same page and that your child is getting the consistent messages they need.
  • Set clear boundaries. It’s important to set clear boundaries with your extended family, especially when it comes to discipline. Let them know what you are comfortable with and what you are not.
  • Be respectful of your extended family’s opinions. Even if you don’t agree with everything they say, it’s important to be respectful of their opinions. This will help to create a more positive and harmonious environment for your child.
  • Be grateful for the support. Raising kids in a joint family can be a lot of work, but it’s also a lot of support. Be grateful for the help that your extended family provides and let them know how much you appreciate it.

Here are some additional tips:

  • Involve your extended family in your child’s life. This could include taking them on outings, spending time with them at home, or asking them to help with childcare.
  • Encourage your child to spend time with their grandparents and other extended family members. This will help them to build strong relationships with their elders and learn about their family history.
  • Talk to your child about the importance of respecting their elders. This will help them to understand the value of family and tradition.
  • Be patient and understanding. Raising kids in a joint family can be challenging, but it’s also a rewarding experience. Be patient with your child and your extended family, and remember that everyone is doing their best.

Here are some specific challenges that you may face when raising kids in a joint family:

  • Differing parenting styles. It’s common for extended family members to have different parenting styles than you do. This can be a challenge, as you may not agree with how they are raising your child. It’s important to communicate with your extended family about your parenting goals and expectations, and to set clear boundaries.
  • Lack of privacy. Living in a joint family can mean that you have less privacy than you would if you lived in a nuclear family. This can be a challenge, especially when it comes to raising teenagers. It’s important to find ways to give your child some privacy, even if it’s just a few minutes each day.
  • Feeling overwhelmed. Raising kids in a joint family can be a lot of work. It’s important to ask for help from your extended family when you need it. Don’t be afraid to say no if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
  • Despite the challenges, raising kids in a joint family can be a rewarding experience. By following these tips, you can create a positive and supportive environment for your child.

AUTHOR

     FAIZA PARVEZ

     Parenting coach 

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Vishakha published in Blogs

How to take care of your child’s mental health?

How to take care of your child’s mental health?

Living in the modern world, we all might have heard our peers’ discussing how emotional health is equally important as our physical health!

Well, it’s true. However, if you belong to Generation X or even if you are a Millennial, who is now a parent, you might relate to a lot of stuff discussed in this brief piece on mental health.

Remember the times when our hearts smiled more than our faces! Yes, I am referring to our childhood.

It was the time when innocence was the most prominent trait. Among our cousins and friends, there were occasional fights that lacked blame or ego.

A time when we used to play with toys that were not so electronic.

A time in life where the denial was mostly associated with “I won’t share my piece of cake or chocolate with anyone.”

A time so carefree… isn’t it?

While we grew up, every time somebody threw a No at us, most of us thought it’s such a blessing to grow up and live life on our terms. Little did we know of how much goes into living life on our own terms.

As we grew a little old and began experiencing the bits of life firsthand, we gradually enrolled ourselves for the rat race of making it big in life. Our spirits were then forced to carry the weight of performance and peer pressure.

Over time, these pressures and challenges lead to an understanding of the importance of emotional well being.

Would you like such a life for your child?

Definitely not! We all want our children to live a better life than ours and offer them the best possible support we can. Right?

Here, it’s crucial to note that just like physical health, emotional health is vital for the human body and soul.

Maintaining emotional wellbeing allows children and young adults to develop resilience to cope with whatever life throws at them and grow into well rounded, healthy adults.

Alarmingly, 70% of children and young adults experience a mental health problem such as depression, abuse, etc.

Most children grow up mentally healthy, but surveys suggest that many children and adolescents move towards depression and anxiety troubles. It has emerged to be a case because of the frequent changes in the way we live and how that affects a child’s experience growing up.

How can you maintain your Children’s mental health? 

1. Parental Help: Parents must have a warm, open relationship with their children. One essential job to be done is to pay full attention to your child and acknowledge their feelings. Reaching out and talking to them would help them avoid finding solace in harmful distractions like Smartphone’s, gaming, prohibited activities, etc.

2. Professional Help: A parental coach can assist and advise you to better understand your relationship with the child and provide you with the right tools to correct behavioural issues.

Let’s learn more about professional help.

Parent coaching sessions offer the progenitors with the tools required to handle nearly any situation in the family. The certified coaches are proficient in assisting moms and dads in creating a roadmap to:

● learn efficient ways to respond to scenarios instead of reacting abruptly

● imbibe ways to become patient and kind towards the child

● creating a calmer, happier, and more inviting environment for the child

● improve the overall relationship between parent and child

● learning effective ways to communicate with children of every age

● understanding the behavioural patterns and demands of children

We all are living in lifestyles that are busy and hectic. Reaching out for coaching helps solve prevalent issues and teaches parents the right way to deal with their child and avoid any arguing, whining, or bickering with them.

Each session provides techniques, tools, and strategies to handle specific family life issues. A coach avoids talking about the past and instead focuses all attention on now and the days ahead. With assistance, parents produce results by developing clear, concise steps to determine intentions, values, and goals for moving forward to a healthier family.

With every session, a parent can learn new techniques, strategies, or methods to handle specific family issues. A parent coach would always motivate you to focus on the future and avoid talking about the past. With the right assistance, you, as a parent, can witness fantastic results, leading to form a healthy and happy family.

While looking for your child’s mental health, below are some other aspects that can be worked upon are:

1) Maintaining good physical health, eating a balanced diet and following a regular exercise routine

2) Making them feel loved, trusted, understood, valued and safe

3) Making them learn and grab opportunities to succeed

4) Accepting who they are and recognizing what they are skilled at!

5) Since your child can test your nerves, attaining mindfulness will make you happier and let you manage anxiety, stress, and depression.

 

Author

Vishakha Goyal
Founder- LifeLitmus
IPA Expert, Parenting Coach, Access Bar Practitioner, Sound Healer

 

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FASIHA SHAIK published in Articles

SHINE AS A PARENT

SHINE AS A PARENT

 

I Guess All We Can Do Is Stay Devoted To Our Children And Be Generous With Our Time. Our Children Should Always Be Our Number 1 Priority.

Try Not To Teach Your Fears To Your Kids. Introduce Your Children To What’s Possible

  • LEAD BY EXAMPLE : the best way to influence your kids is to walk the talk. Model the behavior you wish to see. Those little eyes watch everything you do. I refer these from “Family Wisdom from the monk who sold his Ferrari”. Which is a book that will be very helpful to you as you grow young leaders at home.
  • DEVELOP YOUR CHILDREN : see yourself not just as a parent to your children but as a “developer” of them. It is important to actively develop their minds, hearts and soul. That’s your job expose them to great art. Introduce them to cool people who produce unique ideas
  • INSPIRE YOUR KIDS, Big ideas : parents teach their children how to view the world. Parents show kids the way the world works. And if you see the world as a place of limitations, so will those little people you are raising. Try not to teach your fears to your kids.

 

Introduce your children to what’s possible. Inspire them to be great human being who will elevate the world – in their own special way.

Be an enabler. Encourage them always because “ skills can be developed by non correctional methods”.

 

Fasiha Shaik

Parenting Coach

 

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Neetu J. Talwar published in Articles, Blogs

Help Yourself and Your Child Busting the Exam Stress!!!

Help Yourself and Your Child Busting the Exam Stress!!!

Parents easily get stressed when the exam time of the children draw closer. Exams can really be stressful for the entire family, but in reality, it needn’t be this way. It’s understandable that the child will experience stress and anxiety. If we as parents stress out, kids will stress out even more. Instead of putting additional pressure, there is a lot that parents can do motivate their kids for scoring well and prepare systematically for their exams.

Here are 10 practical and handy tips for the parents that will help them prepare their kids score well in the exams and reduce stress:-

  1. Know your child’s Exam time table – A very helpful way to help reducing yours and your child’s stress during their exams. Parents must know what exam the child has got next in order to help them prepare on time. It proves to be an extra element of support. You can simply add it to your calendar or pin a copy of the exam time table onto the notice board.
  2. Regular monitoring of their studies– Always take some time out to monitor your child’s progress. Sit with your child and design a schedule so that he or she has enough time for revision. Lending a helping hand in building a useful schedule for their days and weeks will help them efficiently utilizing their time. Don’t let them putting off all the preparation for the last days.
  3. Cut back on distractions– Any distractions, be it TV, gadgets, phones, gatherings, parties or even a disturbance from siblings must be avoided. It’s imperative to give your child the right atmosphere during exams to make him perform and score well. Try to allocate a comfortable room or a space in the home for your child to study in peace. 
  4. Do not compromise on child’s nutrition – Your Child health might get affected while dealing with exams pressure. An extra and special care is very much required keeping in mind the pressure child has on his mind. Adding fresh and seasonal fruits may do wonders for them. It helps them improving their concentration levels. 
  5. Enough sleep is fundamental – Be it school or exam, enough sleep is essential for a child to perform well. Teenagers have a habit of catching up on social media before bed which can cut the sleep time resulting in them being tired right before their exam. Prohibiting device in bedroom especially during exams or cutting off the internet is highly recommended. Installing parental control is also advisable during exam time.
  6. Help them to be active – Encourage them to take breaks between studies. As studying continuously will tire out the brain and affect the ability to retain knowledge. A power nap, stretching exercises, listening to music OR dancing can refresh and re-energize them.  Processed food, high caffeine or sugar intake can make kids anxious during exam days. Teenagers are recommended not to exceed 100 ml of caffeine a day.  Encourage them to take plenty of water.
  7. Never compare your child – Comparing your child with other kids, using negative words to demean them, or questioning their caliber on the basis of scores will just hurt the sentiments of the child. His true potential shouldn’t be measured with scores in the exams. Parents must remember that  exams are just one of the many challenges your child will face and it’s not the end of life. So, take it easy!
  8. Reward your child efforts- Rewarding your child is important to motivate them to put their best foot forward. Don’t bribe them with expensive gifts. A simple family outing or catching up with friends or cousins after the exam can help the child to take his pressure off.
  9. Identifying warning signs, if any – Its imperative to ensure your child’s mental well-being too. It’s natural to feel anxious during exams. But if there are signs of extreme anxiety, loss of appetite, anger issues or irritated mood, these could indicate that the child is not keeping well. Always keep a check, intervene and talk to them at the right time.
  10. Stay calm – Don’t build too much pressure on them. Stand in support of your child, believe in his abilities, help them preparing for the exams without overburdening them with your expectations.

So, stay calm! And if you can’t, fake it till you make it. Try to hold your stress inside and not to discuss with your child.

Hope these tips will help you and your child staying stress free in the days of examinations. These tips will not only help them coping with stress but will also form the right outlook for exams.

 

Author

Neetu J. Talwar

ESL Trainer and Parenting Coach from Deep

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Aniruddha Vinay Pathak published in Blogs

Parenting – An Art and Science of Patience

Parenting – An Art and Science of Patience

It was not easy for us to get into the role of a parent when we first thought of it. It took us huge amount of time and energy and effort to accept the very fact of being a parent. The lives were going to change, priorities were going to change, the scheduling of every small event and activity was going to change. In short, we were going to change. Coming to this thought of being a parent tested us and our patience for the first time. And we realized what we were asking from our life. 😉

Although the decision was made by us but destiny had something else in store for us. We tried what not; ayurveda, homeopathy, allopathy but we were not getting the results. Slowly at our subconscious level we had started accepting it as a fact that probably we won’t be that lucky, ever. It was a very tough time for us, I still remember sitting with my wife and discussing about the possibility of adopting a child also. Days, months and years passed, lives got back to where it was. Work, functions and get together, a hectic schedule were a part of our life. We had still almost made it final that we are going to get a child adopted then on the same day we got to know that we are the blessed one. We were going to have our baby. We were very excited, doctor’s appointment was fixed and we went in. Doctor took my wife for check-up and I was waiting outside with an ocean of thoughts in my mind and a broad smile on my face. After sometime I was called inside and we were asked multiple questions as work and life style, daily schedule and most importantly schedule of the previous months. Now the excitement was getting replaced by concern and it was probably visible on our faces. After taking all the necessary information we were told that the baby did not survive. It was 5th year since we were married and we were seriously planning for it for a very long time. But it did not happen. Wait was still on. We were being tested for our patience. And trust me, the test was not easy. My wife had to suffer from huge trauma after that, those sleepless nights and continuous weeping was making it even worse for her and for me too. Fortunately our parents understood and were supportive so it took less time for us to come out of it. Life moved on, so did we. Life came back to normal and again we had this thought of being a parent. Whole cycle got repeated but this time we were more cautious and careful for everything hence we took extra care at every step. It was 10th year of our marriage and we were blessed with a handsome young prince, who is now of 4years.

But, why I m sharing this with you? What made me think that this story needs to be shared? I m not sharing it because of its uniqueness. As it is not unique, although it is very special and close to me. But I’m sharing it because these 10years exposed me to various experiences and learning and encounters with people which helped me put a foundation of taking up parenting as a topic to study and understand it in detail. I have seen many fathers and to be fathers so much disconnected with the process of being a parent that they miss on the joy of it. I’m not a medical expert but I know that the ‘to be mother’ goes through lot of mood swings and she is not able to reconcile her actions or thoughts or even reactions. This is the time when the ‘to be father’ needs to be with her, strong and mature to handle her. It is not only the responsibility of the mother to take care of the child but also of the father, equally, even before the child is born. We as parents or to be parents need to be extremely patient to handle this stressful situation and days of such stress. It’s not easy; it never was and never ever will be. But we have to accept it then only we can be a responsible father.

Once the child is born, responsibility and sharing increases. Many parents don’t realize the fact that the child is not saying anything in initial 2 years but is listening and observing everything that you do. And whatever we do around the child is shaping him for years to come. Hence patience is required a lot more than expected. Now a days it very concerning to see that people are expecting the child of 2 years or 3 years to behave with the maturity of 10 years. It is not possible and it’ll never be possible. Kids are going to be kids and we need to understand that. The sooner we realize this and act on it the easier it’ll be for all in the family. Handling tantrums and making them disciplined in itself is a challenging task and again patience is tested. We have to be extremely patient with the child. Imagine a small life is standing in front of you with huge questions in their mind. They are trying to decode the things and trying to put relations and combinations. And at the same time they want you to help them out. So instead of helping them if we shout at them or get irritated because of their questions, then are we not missing on the greatest pleasure of seeing a life bloom in front of our eyes? Understand their struggle; they are new to everything, even to you. And they are making their thoughts and beliefs observing you. Their condition is so fragile that they are not even having proper words to describe what they are feeling. And if we react to them with our head held high, the connect would never develop. And this is the reason many parents are missing the growing process of their kids and suddenly they realise that kids are all grown up and don’t have any emotional connection with them.

My overall experience with my kid and all the parents that I interact with, or observe or come across with, the major factor which can solve all these issues for all and which can realign these beautiful moments to be lived, is patience. We are today so much into our own work and life that we unknowingly ignore the most precious part of our life, our child. This is a bundle of joy which gives us an opportunity to look at our own self as a child through our own eyes. The small arms, when they wrap around your neck you feel blessed to be loved so much unconditionally. When the small twinkling eyes look at you with pride and affection and deep love, you feel being born again. When the small little hands hold your finger to take the first step of their life, it makes you feel your own journey of first steps again. The first word which addresses you makes you touch the sky. Their small talks, stories of their own fairy world, where they are the hero and you are the super hero for them, unfolds your own potential and capacity at times. All this and many more moments like these makes you a parent. But it all can be felt and lived if we apply patience as the key ingredient.

I would request all “parents and to be parents” to be patient with your child and see the magic. Pause before you react, breath before you act. It’ll not only teach your child to be patient but also will add value to your life and the moments it brings to you.

Happy Parenting!!

Keep Learning, Keep Growing

 

Aniruddha Pathak

Parenting & Career Coach    

 

 

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Girish Panicker published in Blogs

Parenting Lessons from the Vienna General Hospital

Parenting Lessons from the Vienna General Hospital

 

The Vienna general hospital had two maternity wards, one handled by doctors and the other by midwives. In the mid-1800s, Dr. Ignaz Semmelweiz was heading the ward that was being handled by doctors. The surprising fact was that the mortality rate of mothers who were looked after by the doctors was 1 in 10 and the mortality rate of mothers looked after by midwives was 1 in 50. This was quite embarrassing for the doctors. They tried changing the bedsheets, cleaning the floors window curtains, but the mortality rate remained the same. They even laid down SOPs for both the wards so that there was uniformity in all respects. Even after all these measures, there was no change in the mortality rates.

The situation was so alarming that many women preferred to deliver on the streets than go to the ward looked after by the doctors for the fear of dying. Dr. Ignaz happened to visit another hospital and was away from Vienna general Hospital for few months and in these few months, the mortality rates of the women at the ward looked after by doctors also reduced to 1 in 50.

Dr. Ignaz after returning from his visit began to examine the reason for this and he found out that, since they were in a  research institute most of the doctors split their time between research on cadavers and treatment of live patients. After doing research, dissecting a cadaver they went on to treat live patients. The very doctors who were supposed to treat the patients were unknowingly carrying the germs that caused the patients to die. They had no idea of germs at that time. Dr. Ignaz found out that he spent far more time on research on cadavers and then directly attended to the pregnancies.

It was Dr. Ignaz after his discovery that he formulated the germ theory. It was after this discovery that all doctors were advised to wash their hands with chlorine and lime. It was a simple solution, but it solved a grave problem. The mortality of women treated by doctors dropped drastically to 1 in 100 after they started washing their hands with chlorine and lime.

 

What can we learn from this incident?

Just like the doctors were unknowingly responsible for the deaths of their patients, many times parents are unknowingly responsible for crushing the child’s dreams and making him/her follow dictates that they feel is right

It needs unconditional love to view children as completely different human beings with curiosity to experiment and discover life on their own.

Parents need to master active listening to understand the unsaid words, the unspoken language and not force a child to just listen to what they say and expect the child to follow without complaining.

It is understandable that all parents do what they do with the intention of giving the best to their children. However, just like the doctors of the Vienna general hospital, they unknowingly do more harm than good.

The focus needs to move from the external world to the inner world, then the entire approach will undergo a dramatic change. The solution may be very simple like washing the hands of the doctors, but the impact can be profound.

Parents need to step back just like Dr. Ignaz who went on a visit to another hospital, which prompted him to search for significant differences in approaches in the doctor’s ward and the midwife’s ward.

The changes could be as simple as choosing a different set of words that we use or just listening to the child without judgement or maybe expressing how you feel or just allowing him/her to take responsibility.

 

Yes! Everything starts with awareness of the situation and taking the appropriate action.

Girish Paniker

Parent Alchemist

 

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Dr. Monika Mittal published in Blogs

ROTI PARI SE HANSTI PARI (रोती परी से हंसती परी)

ROTI PARI SE HASTI PARI (रोती परी से हंसती परी)

It was a usual evening when my cousin called me up to discuss his daughter Khushi’s issue. She was then studying in Junior KG at one of the best CBSE schools near their house. Her grades had been falling (mostly in D and E range), and the school had just issued a warning about her insufficient attention and slow learning in the class despite everyone’s best efforts at the school. The next final tests were only three months away.

Being a doctor and a mother of two grown-up kids, I could relate to his problem and suggested that they meet a counsellor. After the discussion, they met a counsellor on the very next day, and the counsellor advised some tests to assess Khushi’s aptitude and brain mapping. The counsellor planned an appointment for the next week.

In the meantime, I sensed my cousin’s anxiety and continued talking to the family in detail about Khushi. During the conversation, it came to light that Khushi was sleeping every day around midnight, and it was difficult for her to get up at 6 AM for her school at 7 AM. She was not eating properly before going to school except for a small amount of milk which she drank forcefully. Additionally, she slept in the afternoon for 3-4 hours after her lunch, and in the evenings, she was occupied with tuitions and playing with her younger brother. Towards the end of the day, Khushi watched television till midnight with family after dinner at around 10 PM. As a result of this, she was tired and restless most of the time, fighting with her brother, crying easily and not eating correctly.

I suggested that my cousin make Khushi sleep a little earlier by 10 PM with early dinner at 8–8.30 PM. I based my suggestion on the experience of having seen children face problems related to lack of sleep or altered sleep time. Like Khushi and her family, the common reason turns out to be the watching television till late due to very late dinner timings in families. School-going children must get 8-10 hours of sleep at night, and even parents need enough sleep of 7-8 hours at night and parents must help their children go to bed early and have a good 10 hours of sleep.

To our surprise, Khushi’s behaviour started changing after a week. She became calmer, cheerful, happier and began doing her homework on her own in the afternoons. She reduced her afternoon sleep duration and ate a proper breakfast in the morning before leaving for school. Seeing such changes, my cousin postponed the psychological tests and consented to continue the same schedule.

In the following months, Khushi’s confidence levels became high, and her class performance improved. She came out with flying colours in final exams with B grades in most of the subjects and a few A grades as well!!!

Studies have shown that adequate sleep helps improve concentration, focus and memory of the brain; it improves digestion & appetite; enhances energy levels, and makes the child calmer and cheerful.

A SIMPLE MEASURE OF JUST ADJUSTING SLEEP HOURS DID WONDERS TO KHUSHI’S BEHAVIOUR, AND SHE TRANSFORMED FROM A ROTI PARI TO A HASTI PARI!!

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
TAKE ACTION FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILD.

Stay Healthy!

Dr. Monika Mittal

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Swati Mahajan published in Blogs

15 Affirmations for Moms to Help Reduce Anxiety and Increase Positivity

15 Affirmations for Moms to Help Reduce Anxiety and Increase Positivity

 

It’s often been said that motherhood is the most difficult job in the world. Indeed, there is no task more challenging than caring for the emotional, physical, and mental health of another human being. As a mom it is so easy to feel overwhelmed, overworked and stressed.

 

If you tell yourself negative things daily – guess what, you are setting yourself up for failure or repeat patterns of life. I believe in the power of affirmations so much because What we believe about ourselves at a subconscious level has a significant impact on the outcome of events. This is because the mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real or fantasy. Amazing right?

 

Pick any two of these affirmations daily and use them for at least 21 days!. Save them, say them whenever you can, or write them down every morning. Post them where you will see them. Come back here and comment below to let me know what miracles you see changing

 

  1.  I respect my children; I respect myself.
  2.  I am a blessing to my children. I am a powerhouse
  3.  I am doing an amazing job. I wake up today with strength in my heart and clarity in my mind.
  4.  I am my child’s lifelong teacher.
  5.  I can trust my maternal intuition.
  6.  I am learning to be a better mother with each new day.
  7.  I will take care of myself in order to be a good mother.
  8.  I am doing the best that I can for my children and it is enough.
  9.  I am becoming a more confident mother with each new day. I am at peace with all that has happened, is happening, and will happen.
  10.  My marriage is becoming stronger, deeper, and more stable each day
  11.  I am creating positive, lifelong memories with my children.
  12.  I know better than anyone else what my children need.
  13.  I am allowed to ask for help as a mother. I deserve time to relax.
  14.  Today I will see the best in my child and the best in myself.
  15.  The decisions made by other moms do not need to dictate mine.

 

Which of these mama-mantras stands out to you today?

 

 

Regards

Swati Mahajan

Parenting Coach

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Manish Sharma published in Articles, Blogs

TEENS – Drug Abuse & Addiction

World Health Organization defines drug addiction as follows:

“Drug addiction is the state of periodic or chronic intoxication detrimental to the individual and to society, produced by the repeated consumption of a drug (natural or synthetic). Its characteristics include (1) an overpowering desire or need (compulsion) to continue taking the drug and to obtain it by any means (2) a tendency to increase the dosage, and (3) a psychic (psychological) and sometimes physical dependence on the effects of the drug.”

This is emerging as a challenge that requires immediate attention and policy intervention from Indian government.  Young generation is the premise to build future of the nation and if current generation is deeply immersed with such addiction, nation will be deprived of productive human resources in the future.

Teens who abuse drugs may have a greater risk of developing an addiction when they grow adults. Drugs have a more drastic effect on children and teens than on adults because the brain continues to develop until about age 20. In young age alcohol and other drugs disrupt brain development. They negatively affect a person’s memory and ability to respond to stimuli and to respond to stressful situations.

Anyone who tries a drug initially never plans to become addicted. Just because a teen has tried drugs or alcohol doesn’t mean he/she will become an addict. There is difference between drug abuse and addiction. Addiction occurs when frequent usage of drugs effects brain functions over time. The transition from voluntary to compulsive drug use reflects changes in the brain’s natural inhibition and reward centers that keep a person from exerting control over the impulse to use drugs. Developing brains are also more prone to addiction. Teenager’s brain adapt more quickly to repeated drug use, leading to cravings and dependence.

There is no single reason why teenagers use drugs or alcohol. But here are some of the core issues and influences behind the behaviour of teenage drug and alcohol use.

Curiosity: Many teens begin experimenting with drugs and alcohol simply because they are curious and want to know what it feels like. Even if they know that drugs are bad, they don’t believe that anything bad can actually happen to them.

Peer Pressure: Peers are most influential at this stage of life. Many teens use drugs “because others are doing it”—or they think others are doing it—and they fear not being accepted in a social circle that includes drug-using peers.

Having Fun :  Past studies used to point to “having fun” as the number-one reason teens using drugs. It’s fun getting drunk or high with friends, sharing an intensely pleasurable drug-induced euphoria. Teens don’t get addicted to substance but they get addicted to the mood that the substance brings. Abused drugs interact with the neurochemistry of the brain to produce feelings of pleasure. The intensity of this euphoria differs by the type of drug and how it is used.

Lack of Confidence/ Low Self-Esteem:  A study reported that most of the teens say that they use drugs to “feel cool.” Teens’ self-worth depends on the approval of others, and their desire for social acceptance can drive them to engage in destructive behaviors, even if they know it could harm them. Teens who have low self-esteem are more likely to seek acceptance from the wrong crowd by using drugs.

Stress: Some teens turn to drugs and alcohol as a form of escapism. Many teenagers are overly stressed with a packed schedule of advanced classes and extracurricular activities. A lack of coping skills can lead them to seek an artificial method of coping with stress.  When they feel stressed or pressurized they see these substances as a way to forget existing problems and feel happier.

Misinformation: Studies show that teens are widely misinformed about the risk/dangers attached to drugs abuse. Teens who perceive little risk in using drugs are more likely to use drugs. Teens need to be educated by parents and teachers about the specific risks of drugs.

If you are concerned that your teen might be using drugs, here are some common warning signs to watch for.

Behavioural Changes:

  • Decreased interest in activities and hobbies.
  • Isolating themselves from friends or family.
  • Acting secretive.
  • Avoiding eye contact.
  • Changing friends or social circles.
  • Extreme highs and lows
  • Slurred or rapid-fire speech.
  • Unusual tiredness 

    Physical Changes:

  • Bloodshot Eyes.
  • Poor hygiene
  • Smell of smoke on breath or clothes
  • Excessive thirst or hunger
  • Sudden weight loss or gain
  • Coordination problems
  • Nausea and vomiting
  • Shakes or tremors
  • Pinpoint pupils

The most common drugs abused by teens aren’t much different from those of adults. But the reasons for abuse may be different as teens often abuse a substance based on its accessibility. Teens are also more likely to take excessive amounts of drugs and alcohol because of how they perceive the risks and dangers.

Alcohal: Intake in liquid state e.g  Beer, Whisky, Rum, Vodka

Marijuana: Also called weed, pot, grass, ganja and many more other slang names. It’s get consumed by smoking and vaporizing

Prescriptions and Over-the-counter Medications: Pills, Capsules, Injections, Syrups

Smack (Heroine): is a white or brown. It can be mixed with water and injected with a needle. Heroin can also be smoked or snorted up the nose. Also called Snow, White lady, Horse, H, Eagle, Chitta, Brown Sugar, Mud

Recognition and prevention of drug use can end an emerging problem before it starts. Parents can play an important role in keeping their kids away from this curse.

Strong Bond: Have a strong bond with your child. Teens who have healthy relationships with their parents may be more likely to discuss their encounters with drugs.

  • Having at least one meal a day with the entire family present
  • Making time to talk with teenagers regularly to check in with their feelings, activities and behaviours
  • Getting to know a teenager’s friends and their parents
  • Communicating with teachers and school counselors on an ongoing basis
  • Participating in community activities that keep schools and neighborhoods safe for teenagers
  • Attending your teen’s school activities and showing support for her interests
  • Letting your teenager know every day that you love him and care about his future

Teach Your Teen How to Say No to Friends: Friends are important. Teens trust their friends, and they seek their approval. However, children need to know how to resist peer pressure and make their own decisions. If a friend offers alcohol or drugs, your child must understand the power of saying no. When surrounded by friends who avoid drugs and alcohol, saying no becomes easier. Encourage your teen to hang out with friends who choose not to use alcohol and other drugs.

Discuss Risk involved in Substance abuse: Being involved in your teen’s life is one of the best ways to prevent substance abuse. Having open and honest discussions about the dangers of drinking, drug use and peer pressure can make a huge difference. Parents who do not want their kids getting drunk and using drugs should begin by sending a strong message to their children about the importance of avoiding drugs and alcohol.

Be a Role Model: One of the most important ways parents influence their children is by being positive role models. Teens mimic what they see. That means parents should keep alcohol and other drugs away from the home. If you drink in front of your children, do so in moderation and explain why it’s important for kids to abstain from alcohol until their brains are fully developed.

Engage them in Physical & other recreational activities: Keep them busy in sports, art, music, dance or any other activity they want to pursue in life. People those who pursue their hobbies have lesser chance to get addicted.

Key Points:

  • Many teens experiment with drugs, but aren’t addicted.
  • No one who tries a drug; plan to become addicted.
  • Some people can have one drink or one hit and stop. It’s not as easy for others — especially those who have a family history of addiction.
  • Teens don’t get addicted to substance they get addicted to the mood that the substance brings.
  • Teens who perceive little risk in using drugs are more likely to use drugs.
  • Many shy teenagers who lack confidence report that they’ll do things under the influence of alcohol or drugs that they might not otherwise.
  • Recognition and prevention of drug use can end an emerging problem before it starts.
  • The most common drugs abused by teens aren’t much different from those of adults. But the reasons for abuse may be different as teens often abuse a substance based on its accessibility

“Let’s raise children who don’t have to recover from mistakes of childhood in their youth”

Manish Sharma

Parenting Coach

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Manish Sharma published in Blogs

Art Of Praising Your Child

Parents usually understand the need of praising child. But most of them don’t have much idea about the effective manner, timing and frequency of praising child. Studies and literature also have different opinion about this. Some experts recommend that we shall praise freely and lavishly, on the other hand few warn not to overdo the applause.

Both of the opinions seem correct as experts have strong premise to prove their argument.

First set of experts says it’s very important to praise children as it;

  • encourages them to improve
  • keeps them motivated
  • boosts their self esteem and confidence
  • helps get right behaviour repeated

Second set of experts warn not to praise too much because;

  • child will find it difficult to judge his/her work accurately
  • the more praise children receive, the more they rely on adult evaluations instead of forming their own judgments
  • they afraid to take risks and try new things for fear of not always being on top.
  • it can also lead to some children becoming overconfident
  • There is a great debate among experts about the effects of praise on children. This debate is not about praising or not praising rather difference of opinion is because of way of praise and amount of praise.

So let’s discuss five key points which will help us to draw a balanced approach.

1. Be Specific when Praising

Praise is much more than only saying “Good Boy” or “Good Girl”, be specific about what the praise is for. When you are not specific, they have a hard time understanding exactly what it is they have done well. Instead of saying “Wow, you did a great art work” say “Your choice of red & yellow colour has made this work great”

This way your child will also get to know that you are noticing his/her work, and will encourages him/her to do more.

2. Praise the efforts not only results

You can always point out improvement no matter how small e.g. “You really have picked up on your reading…Appreciate”. Highlight their effort “I can see you really tried hard to get it right”

If you are looking for improvement then you need to praise the efforts and don’t need to wait for results to praise. Praising efforts can encourage your child to try hard in the future.

3. Praise must be genuine and sincere

Keep it real: Don’t say, “Good job!” when it’s not. Even young kids can see right through false praise. Praise should reflect the amount of effort the child put in. Earned praise reinforces your child’s effort and is encouraging.

4. Praise the process/behaviour rather than the Child

“You’re such a good player” or “You have such a beautiful singing voice.” Be careful with this kind of praise which tends to focus on their inborn strengths/abilities. If he believes he arrived prepackaged with certain abilities, he might think he doesn’t need to improve in those areas.

It’s better to focus on process. In Process-based praise emphasize on what he can control, such as how much time he spends on a project or which strategies he uses.

“I am so impressed at how hard you worked on your science project” is more empowering than “Wow, you’re good at science !”

6. Praise in Public – Correct in Private

If you get an opportunity to appreciate your child in public, you can multiply the impact of positive appreciation. Praise in Public becomes celebrations for receiver, it creates that big impact. Choose to correct them in private because if you choose to correct in public it becomes criticism.

6. Accentuate the Positive

Respond to wanted behaviors of your child more than you punish unwanted behaviors. The key to getting great results is to pay attention to “what’s going right” rather than “what’s going wrong”

Try to eliminate constant negativity around and put the focus on all the wonderful, positive things your children are doing instead. Catch them doing right things and appreciate them immediately.

Praising your child is an art and you can master it by practicing above stated Six points.

Happy Parenting !!

Manish Sharma

Parenting Coach

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