Tag: Positive Reinforcement

Parenting Tips to Prevent Your Child From Being Stubborn

Children misbehave for many reasons, but the most common one is that they are just bored. They realize that their behavior works, especially if they get their way and get what they want by doing so. Sometimes the desire for power is also the reason behind their mischievousness since this is a way for a kid to try and assert control. So, it is important to know how to battle these actions and how to handle them in a good way.
Bright Side would love to help make your life as a parent a little easier, so i would like to present to you 9 tips on how to prevent these pesky tantrums.

1. Show them a more calm approach to situations

 


Children often like to copy their parents, so we should model their behavior and actions by teaching them to be calm. If they throw a tantrum and you start yelling at them, that’s what will become normal to them. So, instead, show them a different way to deal with their emotions.

2. Offer choices, so they can decide what they want to do

According to assistant professor Angie T. Cranor, giving your child a choice will help satisfy their need to feel in control. So, if they have to pick up their toys and then brush their teeth, ask them which one they want to do first.

3. Carry snacks with you

 


Bad behavior or a bad attitude is often due to hunger, so if you and your child are outside, carrying snacks with you might save you a potential tantrum and keep your child in a good mood.

4. Make them aware of potential bad outcomes

 

“Because I said so” is not a good reason to give to a child when they ask you why they shouldn’t do something. Always try to communicate with them and explain to them what might happen if they are misbehaving and why they shouldn’t do certain things. Make them aware of the natural consequences their actions might have, so they can learn and make better decisions for themselves later.

5. Create a home routine they have to follow and reward them for it

 


Help them develop a good routine like no TV after a certain time, helping with the dishes, brushing their teeth, and going to bed at an appropriate time. And if you want to get creative, you could draw up a board for the month. Tell them that if they follow their routine for the whole month (or 1 or 2 weeks) they could get some kind of reward of their choosing.

6. Give them logical consequences for breaking the rules

 


Logical consequences are tied to a specific misbehavior. For example, if your child doesn’t want to eat their greens, don’t let them have dessert. Or if they don’t want to pick up their toys, don’t let them play with them for the rest of the day. This is good for kids who are struggling with specific things. However, avoid consequences that aren’t logical, for example — if they don’t want to eat their food, don’t make them clean the garage.

7. Redirect the child’s attention

 


According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, sometimes kids can misbehave because they are bored or don’t know any better. So, finding them something to do, specifically something to keep them engaged and entertained, could redirect their attention to something good rather than naughty.

8. Try to ask for their opinions and solutions to problems

 


Ask them if there is a problem or if something is bothering them, if there is something wrong and they tell you what it is, sit down with them and discuss it. Try to ask for their opinions and thoughts on what they think they should do to fix a problem. If they don’t have an answer help them out a bit, but remember, it’s important to make them feel like they are solving their problem and it’s important to congratulate them and encourage them.

9. Acknowledge the emotions they are feeling and try to help them

 


Instead of acting like they are bad or mischievous, you can show them that you understand them and how they are feeling. Since emotions play a big role in a child’s behavior, it’s always good to acknowledge them. For example, a simple, “I know you’re disappointed we can’t go out to the beach today, but the weather is not good. Let’s do something else together to make up for it,” could go a long way with your child.
How do you handle the situation when your children are misbehaving? Please share any extra trips with other parents in the comments! 👇

Dad Discipline v/s Mom Discipline

Dad Discipline v/s Mom Discipline

A Topic Seldom discussed by Parents!

 

Back in my childhood, Dad worked from 10 am to midnight. Mom was the ‘YellBox’ and when yelling didn’t work, she was the Chhittar Champion Rani, always ranking 1st in society. But when even that failed to work. — “Papa ko aane do, Daant padegi tab seedha hoga”. was the Final Warning – An Indian Patent Disciplinary Sentence proudly used for years by Indian Mothers .

This was the Final Frontier in Discipline and then Dad walked into the scene. Dad just had a look that was accompanied by deafening silence. That look meant “Feel my power”! 

Is it the same today? is there a difference between Mother and Father Discipline? Should there be a difference and how does it account for? Researchers suggest that Father and Mother discipline do differ. This has been now noted and in an unpredictable way. The indication is that children are more immediately influenced by their mothers, but that as they grow older, their father’s disciplinary practices through the years are deeply correlated with their social behavior.

 “Father Effect” as it is called, a difficult topic to be discussed in most Indian Households. Having discussed this topic with many Dads I have been astonished to know that the Dads are awkward to discuss this, Yes, even the CEO DAD!

Physical contact, nurturing, reassurance – remains difficult or not expressed much.

As each day unfolds with more uncertainties for a family today, compared to the ‘Certainty chart’ of family routine and behavior being followed upto early 2000, The traditional father as the head of the home now does not carry the acceptance as it once did. Say Researches. Modern dads might yell or be distant, but that’s no longer accepted as a norm. Children today have a substantively different concept of what a father’s role is supposed to be.

For example, it has come to light after many kinds of research, over changing times and after analyzing different cultures, that, Mothers tend to discipline kids more because they care about their social relationship with their child. That’s why mothers are more likely to take misbehavior personally and in return of which, kids are primed to react more emotionally. Dads are diagonally different here, they tend to discipline because they want their children to grow up to do well in the world and not get denied opportunities. In other words, the impact of paternal discipline may show up later in life because that’s actually the intent.

Thus, Rejection from fathers today contributes to adolescent wariness in social situations in ways that other family relationships do not. Whether harsh and rejecting or empathetic and nurturing, the scientific consensus is that dad discipline does have a substantive impact which is Slow and reflected upon when the child grows up and is out there on her/his own.

This difference is very important to be understood by the Parents themselves.

Most of the misery for the child lies in the fact that each parent wants the other parent to discipline the child, as they do. A very close family member enlightened me on this aspect recently. She stated it beautifully,

“Ishan has me as a Mother, he is served food at the table and the dining time is set at 45 mins. Post which the Table is cleared.

 Ishan has his Father, who ensures Ishan finishes the meal and scrubs the utensils clean”.

Ishan respects both disciplines as the parents don’t fight about which is the correct discipline. Ishan has learned over time to ensure the meal is consumed within 45mins of being served and the utensils to be cleaned as well.

While the above example might not be the ideal common platform of discipline to be followed by all parents, it does give us an understanding that the parents need to first respect their individualities in how they discipline the child because for the child, Both Disciplines are essential!

Who kehte hain na.. 

माँ पानी है, रोज़ पौदे को सींचती है, तो पिता खाद है,पौदे को रखता आबाद है

We need both disciplines in life! 

Santosh Bakhshi

Life Coach. Parenting Coach. A learning Father

How can we address kids Emotional Cravings?

How can we address kids Emotional Cravings?

 

Kids crave for parents undivided attention. Gizmos, gadgets, devices all are an escape route for them when they are not given to do things they truly want to engage themselves with. Have we ever realized just as we have cravings children too crave for a lot of things? Cravings are not only associated with eating disorders or providing for a sweet tooth, there are emotional cravings too. These days the pace of life is so fast that it is easy to shrug off our children’s emotional and psychological needs. How about listening to those cravings of your child and addressing them one step at a time? While it may not be possible to settle all their needs and cravings in one go but as parents can we hear them out by paying close attention to what they truly desire from a parent? All that children need is an emotional connection with their parents or primary caregivers.

 

Here are 10 things that kids crave to do with their parents.

1. Mamma  – Tell me story or read to me

2. Play hide and seek with me.

3. Involve me in your work. Can i help you mamma?

4. Can you get me a surprise today?

5. Can you take me to the garden today?

6. Let’s do a bubble bath together ?

7. Can you put nail paint on me.

8. Come with me, stay with me all the time.

9. When are we meeting my friends ? (Since lockdown this is one of the most frequently asked question by my girls.)

10. Don’t go to the office today. I want to play with you.

 

Well some ‘asks’ are easy and fun while the others may not be easy to address on an everyday basis and that is okay. What is important is, to understand that kids do not need expensive objects or toys, all they require is undivided attention, unstructured playtime and a non judgmental approach from their parents. So, what do your children crave from you? Do give it a thought. Hear them out. It’s time to get reflective and give them what they truly desire from you even if it is in piece-meal.

 

Let’s try to invest time in our children because these will help you build beautiful memories as a family. If we are able to give them the desired attention, that in itself is playing a big role in settling their cravings. So, what are you thinking? Get set going and be a family that has fun rather than the one that’s always on the run.

 

I hope you found this blog useful. Do share your ideas and suggestions on how you think kid’s cravings can be addressed.

 

Happy Parenting!

Aditi Malik

Blogger, Podcaster and Parenting Coach.

Help Yourself and Your Child Busting the Exam Stress!!!

Help Yourself and Your Child Busting the Exam Stress!!!

Parents easily get stressed when the exam time of the children draw closer. Exams can really be stressful for the entire family, but in reality, it needn’t be this way. It’s understandable that the child will experience stress and anxiety. If we as parents stress out, kids will stress out even more. Instead of putting additional pressure, there is a lot that parents can do motivate their kids for scoring well and prepare systematically for their exams.

Here are 10 practical and handy tips for the parents that will help them prepare their kids score well in the exams and reduce stress:-

  1. Know your child’s Exam time table – A very helpful way to help reducing yours and your child’s stress during their exams. Parents must know what exam the child has got next in order to help them prepare on time. It proves to be an extra element of support. You can simply add it to your calendar or pin a copy of the exam time table onto the notice board.
  2. Regular monitoring of their studies– Always take some time out to monitor your child’s progress. Sit with your child and design a schedule so that he or she has enough time for revision. Lending a helping hand in building a useful schedule for their days and weeks will help them efficiently utilizing their time. Don’t let them putting off all the preparation for the last days.
  3. Cut back on distractions– Any distractions, be it TV, gadgets, phones, gatherings, parties or even a disturbance from siblings must be avoided. It’s imperative to give your child the right atmosphere during exams to make him perform and score well. Try to allocate a comfortable room or a space in the home for your child to study in peace. 
  4. Do not compromise on child’s nutrition – Your Child health might get affected while dealing with exams pressure. An extra and special care is very much required keeping in mind the pressure child has on his mind. Adding fresh and seasonal fruits may do wonders for them. It helps them improving their concentration levels. 
  5. Enough sleep is fundamental – Be it school or exam, enough sleep is essential for a child to perform well. Teenagers have a habit of catching up on social media before bed which can cut the sleep time resulting in them being tired right before their exam. Prohibiting device in bedroom especially during exams or cutting off the internet is highly recommended. Installing parental control is also advisable during exam time.
  6. Help them to be active – Encourage them to take breaks between studies. As studying continuously will tire out the brain and affect the ability to retain knowledge. A power nap, stretching exercises, listening to music OR dancing can refresh and re-energize them.  Processed food, high caffeine or sugar intake can make kids anxious during exam days. Teenagers are recommended not to exceed 100 ml of caffeine a day.  Encourage them to take plenty of water.
  7. Never compare your child – Comparing your child with other kids, using negative words to demean them, or questioning their caliber on the basis of scores will just hurt the sentiments of the child. His true potential shouldn’t be measured with scores in the exams. Parents must remember that  exams are just one of the many challenges your child will face and it’s not the end of life. So, take it easy!
  8. Reward your child efforts- Rewarding your child is important to motivate them to put their best foot forward. Don’t bribe them with expensive gifts. A simple family outing or catching up with friends or cousins after the exam can help the child to take his pressure off.
  9. Identifying warning signs, if any – Its imperative to ensure your child’s mental well-being too. It’s natural to feel anxious during exams. But if there are signs of extreme anxiety, loss of appetite, anger issues or irritated mood, these could indicate that the child is not keeping well. Always keep a check, intervene and talk to them at the right time.
  10. Stay calm – Don’t build too much pressure on them. Stand in support of your child, believe in his abilities, help them preparing for the exams without overburdening them with your expectations.

So, stay calm! And if you can’t, fake it till you make it. Try to hold your stress inside and not to discuss with your child.

Hope these tips will help you and your child staying stress free in the days of examinations. These tips will not only help them coping with stress but will also form the right outlook for exams.

 

Author

Neetu J. Talwar

ESL Trainer and Parenting Coach from Deep

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A DAY IN THE LIFE

Journey Brought By Sanctity of Life

 

The thing is about the time when I got pregnant for the first time, like all women, I was also waiting for an anxious time. Meanwhile, I met my doctor in connection with the regular checkup. I do not know how she understood my heart as soon as she met me. She very kindly explained to me that when a delivery takes place, a mother is born along with the birth of a child.

She suggested me that I should be mentally and emotionally brave with the physical and emotion changes I was going to face while going through the physical recovery.

Little did I hear her. Because by this time, my mind had been occupied with overwhelming thoughts and emotions. I was worried thinking in a moment of time how a careless girl (which I more or less was) could be a good mother. Many questions were causing uproar in the mind, like,

“What kind of mom will I be?”, which had been something brushing around my brain all the while I carried a life in my womb, where I was about to introduce someone to the world, I knew I had to be the perfect introducer here. I was going to do what nature has chosen every woman to do; to create and nurture a new life. Which surely is a bliss.

But its very well said that God does not give you strength to get rid of all kinds of problems. God sure shows the way but doesn’t work in your favor as long as you do yourself a favor. In the moment of desperation, it feels like God has left you on your own at this point.

And something like that, happened to me as well.

Series of events went so drastic that shook me to my core. Outside the operation theater, nurses were looking for my husband for documental formalities, but, I did not have my husband at that time as he was traveling to visit me. Since its very well known that presence of the baby’s father calms the mother to be down, seeing the man she loved could lower some adrenaline.

There were no men with me at that time.

My brother who was and still is very supportive of me was at a distance of 1000 km from me and was getting restless talking on the phone.

My mother was helpless because she had to take care of me along with maintaining financial formalities of the hospital in a quite urgent manner. So she went to the ATM to withdraw money. I had my aunt with my mother, who was upset herself but was encouraging my mother, in every manner she could.

And I, lying in bed, trying to accept the coming time as a challenge.

I do not know, I got so much courage from inside me that I told the nurse that the document has to be signed by me. The nurse asked me many times that you will sign? And I said, “yes I will”.

Meanwhile, I talked to my brother and explained to him that he should not be disturbed, I was with the Doctor Controlling the situation. I assured him to not to worry.

And I said the same thing to my husband.

And then, I went to the operation theater. When I came back to my senses, when anesthesia had done its part, I heard that my aunt is talking to someone and saying that she showed great courage, something we had not expected from our childish child.

Now the real meaning of writing so much is that you can come out of any kind of challenge by staying positive.

This episode had prepared me for the years to come and now that I have become a mother, every day there is talk of giving a good upbringing to my children, I keep on learning for it every day, every day there are new challenges. And I learn something from all of them. To be a better mother to my children. I am preparing my children for every situation in every sphere of life.

It is going to be very long, but I must say it will  definitely because I am getting parenting techniques day by day that will make my journey a lot better. I may perform my duties as a parent the best I can.

 

Divya Vats

Parenting Coach/Mind Trainer / Career Strategist

Visit my website www.aacons.in

HOW TO HELP WITH EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION IN CHILDREN

HOW TO HELP WITH EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION IN CHILDREN

 

If you’re a parent, chances are you’ve witnessed a tantrum or two in your day. We expect them in two-year-old, but if your child reaches school age and meltdowns and outbursts are still frequent, it may be a sign that they have difficulty with emotional self-regulation. And many older children, even if they’re beyond tantrums, they continue to struggle with impulsive and inappropriate behavior.

What is Self-regulation?
Self-regulation is the ability to manage your emotions and behavior in accordance with the demands of the situation.

Problems with self-regulation manifest in different ways in different children. Some kids have a huge, strong reaction and there is no build-up. They can’t control that immediate behavior response. For other kids, distress seems to build up and they can only take it for so long. Eventually it leads to some sort of behavioral problems.

Why do some kids struggle with Self-regulation?

When parents give in to tantrums or work overtime to soothe their children when they get upset and act out, kids have a hard time developing self-regulation. In those situations, parents become their external self-regulators. If this pattern happens again & again, and a child is able to ‘outsource’ self-regulation, then that might develop as a habit.

How do we teach Self-regulation skills?

See acting out is essentially an ineffective response to a stimulus. We need to help the child slow down and more carefully choose an effective response instead of being impulsive. If we approach self-regulation skills in the same way we approach other skills and provide practice, rather than pointing bad behavior it changes the tone and content of the feedback we give it to our children. Rather than giving up, try paring down the activity so it is more doable, and slowly give your child more and more independence to handle it.

Pro-tip: Expecting perfection from ourselves may actually increase tension and negativity.
we should keep working on our own emotional muscles, accept ourself & our family for where we are in the process. It’s never too late to start!

Regards

Swati Mahajan

Parenting Coach

Art Of Praising Your Child

Parents usually understand the need of praising child. But most of them don’t have much idea about the effective manner, timing and frequency of praising child. Studies and literature also have different opinion about this. Some experts recommend that we shall praise freely and lavishly, on the other hand few warn not to overdo the applause.

Both of the opinions seem correct as experts have strong premise to prove their argument.

First set of experts says it’s very important to praise children as it;

  • encourages them to improve
  • keeps them motivated
  • boosts their self esteem and confidence
  • helps get right behaviour repeated

Second set of experts warn not to praise too much because;

  • child will find it difficult to judge his/her work accurately
  • the more praise children receive, the more they rely on adult evaluations instead of forming their own judgments
  • they afraid to take risks and try new things for fear of not always being on top.
  • it can also lead to some children becoming overconfident
  • There is a great debate among experts about the effects of praise on children. This debate is not about praising or not praising rather difference of opinion is because of way of praise and amount of praise.

So let’s discuss five key points which will help us to draw a balanced approach.

1. Be Specific when Praising

Praise is much more than only saying “Good Boy” or “Good Girl”, be specific about what the praise is for. When you are not specific, they have a hard time understanding exactly what it is they have done well. Instead of saying “Wow, you did a great art work” say “Your choice of red & yellow colour has made this work great”

This way your child will also get to know that you are noticing his/her work, and will encourages him/her to do more.

2. Praise the efforts not only results

You can always point out improvement no matter how small e.g. “You really have picked up on your reading…Appreciate”. Highlight their effort “I can see you really tried hard to get it right”

If you are looking for improvement then you need to praise the efforts and don’t need to wait for results to praise. Praising efforts can encourage your child to try hard in the future.

3. Praise must be genuine and sincere

Keep it real: Don’t say, “Good job!” when it’s not. Even young kids can see right through false praise. Praise should reflect the amount of effort the child put in. Earned praise reinforces your child’s effort and is encouraging.

4. Praise the process/behaviour rather than the Child

“You’re such a good player” or “You have such a beautiful singing voice.” Be careful with this kind of praise which tends to focus on their inborn strengths/abilities. If he believes he arrived prepackaged with certain abilities, he might think he doesn’t need to improve in those areas.

It’s better to focus on process. In Process-based praise emphasize on what he can control, such as how much time he spends on a project or which strategies he uses.

“I am so impressed at how hard you worked on your science project” is more empowering than “Wow, you’re good at science !”

6. Praise in Public – Correct in Private

If you get an opportunity to appreciate your child in public, you can multiply the impact of positive appreciation. Praise in Public becomes celebrations for receiver, it creates that big impact. Choose to correct them in private because if you choose to correct in public it becomes criticism.

6. Accentuate the Positive

Respond to wanted behaviors of your child more than you punish unwanted behaviors. The key to getting great results is to pay attention to “what’s going right” rather than “what’s going wrong”

Try to eliminate constant negativity around and put the focus on all the wonderful, positive things your children are doing instead. Catch them doing right things and appreciate them immediately.

Praising your child is an art and you can master it by practicing above stated Six points.

Happy Parenting !!

Manish Sharma

Parenting Coach