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Faiza Parvez published in Articles, Blogs, Community

EFFECTIVE TIPS TO RAISE KIDS IN A JOINT FAMILY


EFFECTIVE TIPS TO RAISE KIDS IN A JOINT FAMILY

Raising kids in a joint family can be a great way to provide them with a strong support system and a sense of community. However, it can also be challenging, as there are often more people involved in decision-making and discipline. Here are some tips for raising kids in a joint family:

  • Communicate with your extended family. It’s important to communicate with your extended family about your parenting goals and expectations. This will help to ensure that everyone is on the same page and that your child is getting the consistent messages they need.
  • Set clear boundaries. It’s important to set clear boundaries with your extended family, especially when it comes to discipline. Let them know what you are comfortable with and what you are not.
  • Be respectful of your extended family’s opinions. Even if you don’t agree with everything they say, it’s important to be respectful of their opinions. This will help to create a more positive and harmonious environment for your child.
  • Be grateful for the support. Raising kids in a joint family can be a lot of work, but it’s also a lot of support. Be grateful for the help that your extended family provides and let them know how much you appreciate it.

Here are some additional tips:

  • Involve your extended family in your child’s life. This could include taking them on outings, spending time with them at home, or asking them to help with childcare.
  • Encourage your child to spend time with their grandparents and other extended family members. This will help them to build strong relationships with their elders and learn about their family history.
  • Talk to your child about the importance of respecting their elders. This will help them to understand the value of family and tradition.
  • Be patient and understanding. Raising kids in a joint family can be challenging, but it’s also a rewarding experience. Be patient with your child and your extended family, and remember that everyone is doing their best.

Here are some specific challenges that you may face when raising kids in a joint family:

  • Differing parenting styles. It’s common for extended family members to have different parenting styles than you do. This can be a challenge, as you may not agree with how they are raising your child. It’s important to communicate with your extended family about your parenting goals and expectations, and to set clear boundaries.
  • Lack of privacy. Living in a joint family can mean that you have less privacy than you would if you lived in a nuclear family. This can be a challenge, especially when it comes to raising teenagers. It’s important to find ways to give your child some privacy, even if it’s just a few minutes each day.
  • Feeling overwhelmed. Raising kids in a joint family can be a lot of work. It’s important to ask for help from your extended family when you need it. Don’t be afraid to say no if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
  • Despite the challenges, raising kids in a joint family can be a rewarding experience. By following these tips, you can create a positive and supportive environment for your child.

AUTHOR

     FAIZA PARVEZ

     Parenting coach 

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Sandhya Lal published in Articles, Blogs, Inspiration

How to get your Happiness Dose?

A question that is always asked to me “How can I be happy?” Happiness is an art which can be learnt. If you are a parent it is a boon in your life. Positive and Happy Parenting does take too much of your time and when practiced just like any other artform leads to a better state of mind and happier families. If you pay attention to what you do on the canvas it will be beautiful piece.  It is all about the choices you make in life. Just like an art piece we use colour, we have a medium, paints, and a canvas all come together to make a masterpiece. But if any one of the elements is not there you will not get the  outcome you want. So! For positive parenting you need to be happy first yourself. Today I am going to give you a a happy pill  “The Happiness DOSE for no added cost “. You heard me right it is free.

There are four hormones created in our body when we do certain activities. When you incorporate them in your life on a regular basis you are ensured true happiness.

THE DOSE IS

  1. D – DOPAMINE    – The reward Hormone
  2. O – OXYTOCINE   – The Love Hormone
  3. S  – SEROTONINE  – The Mood Stabilizer
  4. E  – ENDORPHINE – The Pain Killer

Let me explain these are not medicines you need from the store even though these may be prescribed as pills by docs in small doses. Why not get it by doing these activities?

1. D- Dopamine – The Reward Hormone

        This hormone is created in our body when you do something rewarding. Something we can do to increase DOPAMINE in our body is complete a pending task, trying to cook something new, taking up a hobby like singing, painting. When  you complete these tasks we feel happy. We also need  self-love like a grooming,  manicure, hair cut, trip to the saloon or buying something for yourself or your child. One must learn to celebrate the little things and small achievements in life. Try something new an activity that takes you out of your comfort zone and when you achieve success you will be rewarding your body with Dopamine. Do you know that even shopping for yourself helps release Dopamine. So! do groom and take care of yourself because self care is important too.

2. O- OXYTOCIN – The Love Hormone

The love hormone like the word suggests come when we do something that shows love. When we get a hug or hold hands, we are happy. A gentle touch a kiss on the cheek or forehead makes us happy. Playing with a baby or a pet will make us happy. Even receiving and giving a compliment, appreciation, and gratitude releases Oxytocin. As an adult even sex is important. So! Next time don’t be stingy in showering your loved one with hugs and kisses or a praise cause appreciation releases Oxytocin.

3. S- SEROTONIN – The Mood Stabilizer

What did you feel the last time you went for a holiday jumped in a swimming pool, walked in the nature or walked in nature , or took a trek ? Did you feel happy? Did you feel relaxed? When you attend a meditation session does your mind feel at peace? Well! The mood stabilizer SEROTONINE is at work during this time. You can do this even if you are not on a holiday. You may ask me how? Well! You can walk in the Garden next to your house early in the morning or take a run or jog on the road. Your body is

releasing this happy hormone. That’s why you see people who are into yoga, walking, running, cycling, and swimming are in a happy state when they are doing this activity. Doing this on a regular basis will make you a happier person. Your body releases Oxytocin.

4. E- ENDORPHINE – The Pain Killer

How do you feel when you ate dark-mint chocolate? How do feel when you enter a room that smelled beautiful and refreshing? When you exercise and sweat how does your body and mind feel? When you are not well i

n pain and friend comes along and makes you laugh. Do you feel the

 pain was less? If you have said yes! you feel happy, better, or less pain it is true because here 

at this time Endorphin is being pumped into your body in full swing. Too much chocolate will make you put on weight so then you need to work that extra calorie. When you enter a spa, and it smells good. What’s happening? Again, endorphins are released. These are all pain-relieving activities. So dark chocolate, essence and laughter is a natural pain killer. There is a saying “Laughter is the best medicine”. The next time you are low have a laugh.

You need to BOSS YOUR MIND and BODY to become happy and make sure you get your happiness dose everyday no matter what.

Now! That you know all the things you can do to stay in a happier state on mind you can apply this also with your children. Go down and play with them in the park, take a walk, play new games, laugh, dance exercise together.  Give a task to your child and reward them accordingly too.

Follow the HAPPINESS DOSE mantra to be a in a Happier state of mind. Remember theses activities are not just YOU BUT FOR YOUR FAMILY TOO

– Sandhya Lal

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REKHA SUBRAMANIAN published in Articles, Blogs

What is true? Finding yourself or Creating Yourself

According to me Life is a journey. In this journey, everything we go through is a process. Finding yourself and creating yourself is a process. Both are interlinked and connected.

Finding yourself means knowing about yourself or in other words self-discovery. Understand who you are. Because when you are in mother’s womb, you get the genes from your parents. You adapt some of their qualities, looks, nature, etc. That’s why you resemble your family members in looks and behaviour. So, it’s not completely in your control.

Finding yourself helps us to understand better about your nature and character, who you are. But when you look at yourselves, you always want to be someone else. We have been said that finding yourself is very important. When you think about your life, you understand what you want to be. In the process of doing so, you realise that it is actually not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself.

Creating yourself means working on self to become the person whom you want to be. Finding yourself means you already exist. You are already someone and you just need to search. Once found the journey comes to end.

Creating yourself is not at all easy. It’s a continuous process. You need to come out of the comfort zone and push yourself hard. There is no end to this process. Even when you become the person you want to be, you still need to practice every day. Otherwise, you come back to your comfort zone and becomes difficult to come out of it.

It is not an easy task. There are lot of things involved. Like where do you start from and where you want to reach. In simple words, it needs a lot of planning, set our goals. For e.g. when we want to go on a vacation, first we decide our destination and then how to reach and when to reach. What mode of transport we need to take and even after so much of planning and preparation sometimes we face lot of challenges during the journey.

Creating yourself is exactly the same. You decide the destination what you want to become. Then you need to plan from where you want to start and how. Remember the journey might not be easy. There will be lot of challenges. Both external and internal. First, you need to set the mindset and you need to overcome all the hurdles on your mind. This will give you strength to overcome the external challenges too.

When we reach our destination, our whole life transforms. When I say transform means there is a shift from within. Just like when you sow a seed, the process starts from within. It doesn’t become a plant or a tree next day. It is a time taking process. You keep watering it every day.  It might not be visible outside. Does that mean that you stop watering it every day? No because you don’t know exactly how much time it will take. Suddenly one day you find small leaves comes out. And for a plant to become a tree, takes years and years of time.

 

 

Similarly, transformation is a process. It happens within yourself. And slowly the impact is reflected outside. It is an inch-by-inch process within. It might take time to reflect outside. This doesn’t mean that you stop working on yourself. You need to be continuously in this process of creating yourself. You need to be patient with yourself, give yourself enough time to grow within and become the person whom you always wanted to be. And once we become that person, journey never stops there. You need to keep on yourself working every day and every time. This is the most creative thing in your life – “Creating Yourself”.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” – George Benard Shaw.

 

 

 

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Neetu J. Talwar published in Articles, Blogs

Help Yourself and Your Child Busting the Exam Stress !!!

Help Yourself and Your Child Busting the Exam Stress!!!

Parents easily get stressed when the exam time of the children draw closer. Exams can really be stressful for the entire family, but in reality, it needn’t be this way. It’s understandable that the child will experience stress and anxiety. If we as parents stress out, kids will stress out even more. Instead of putting additional pressure, there is a lot that parents can do motivate their kids for scoring well and prepare systematically for their exams.

Here are 10 practical and handy tips for the parents that will help them prepare their kids score well in the exams and reduce stress:-

  1. Know your child’s Exam time table – A very helpful way to help reducing yours and your child’s stress during their exams. Parents must know what exam the child has got next in order to help them prepare on time. It proves to be an extra element of support. You can simply add it to your calendar or pin a copy of the exam time table onto the notice board.
  2. Regular monitoring of their studies– Always take some time out to monitor your child’s progress. Sit with your child and design a schedule so that he or she has enough time for revision. Lending a helping hand in building a useful schedule for their days and weeks will help them efficiently utilizing their time. Don’t let them putting off all the preparation for the last days.
  3. Cut back on distractions– Any distractions, be it TV, gadgets, phones, gatherings, parties or even a disturbance from siblings must be avoided. It’s imperative to give your child the right atmosphere during exams to make him perform and score well. Try to allocate a comfortable room or a space in the home for your child to study in peace. 
  4. Do not compromise on child’s nutrition – Your Child health might get affected while dealing with exams pressure. An extra and special care is very much required keeping in mind the pressure child has on his mind. Adding fresh and seasonal fruits may do wonders for them. It helps them improving their concentration levels. 
  5. Enough sleep is fundamental – Be it school or exam, enough sleep is essential for a child to perform well. Teenagers have a habit of catching up on social media before bed which can cut the sleep time resulting in them being tired right before their exam. Prohibiting device in bedroom especially during exams or cutting off the internet is highly recommended. Installing parental control is also advisable during exam time.
  6. Help them to be active – Encourage them to take breaks between studies. As studying continuously will tire out the brain and affect the ability to retain knowledge. A power nap, stretching exercises, listening to music OR dancing can refresh and re-energize them.  Processed food, high caffeine or sugar intake can make kids anxious during exam days. Teenagers are recommended not to exceed 100 ml of caffeine a day.  Encourage them to take plenty of water.
  7. Never compare your child – Comparing your child with other kids, using negative words to demean them, or questioning their caliber on the basis of scores will just hurt the sentiments of the child. His true potential shouldn’t be measured with scores in the exams. Parents must remember that  exams are just one of the many challenges your child will face and it’s not the end of life. So, take it easy!
  8. Reward your child efforts- Rewarding your child is important to motivate them to put their best foot forward. Don’t bribe them with expensive gifts. A simple family outing or catching up with friends or cousins after the exam can help the child to take his pressure off.
  9. Identifying warning signs, if any – Its imperative to ensure your child’s mental well-being too. It’s natural to feel anxious during exams. But if there are signs of extreme anxiety, loss of appetite, anger issues or irritated mood, these could indicate that the child is not keeping well. Always keep a check, intervene and talk to them at the right time.
  10. Stay calm – Don’t build too much pressure on them. Stand in support of your child, believe in his abilities, help them preparing for the exams without overburdening them with your expectations.

 

So, stay calm! And if you can’t, fake it till you make it. Try to hold your stress inside and not to discuss with your child.

Hope these tips will help you and your child staying stress free in the days of examinations. These tips will not only help them coping with stress but will also form the right outlook for exams.

Author

Neetu J. Talwar

ESL Trainer and Parenting Coach from Deep

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COACH MOHNISH GAHNOLIA published in Articles, Blogs

“Children are just result of your actions”

“Children are just result of your actions”

Parents expect their child to be faithful, disciplined (getup early),be polite, helpful, not to greed, exercise daily, sleep early, not to use cell phones, not to eat chocolates and ice creams, get 100% grades, study all the time. Likewise there are thousands of expectations that a child expects from their parents. Aren’t we as a parent over burdening our kids with our never ending expectations?

My question is for each and every parent, are we doing the same things which we expect from our kids to do?

I don’t think so, instead of guiding our kids, we as a parent need to be trained at first, so that we can guide our kids in very healthy and progressive manner. Many of you will contradict with my viewpoint.

Let us understand with one example of our childhood, have you ever came across with the situation at home, when your father were actually present at home and someone from our relative call on landline or came to our door step, and then we were asked to say NO to them, that no one is at home or father is not at home. Don’t we think we ourselves are guiding and teaching our children to speak lies, then how do we expect our kids to speak truth always?

Let’s understand with a story,

In 1930’s there was a lady whose son was eating Jaggery a lot, but her mother wanted his child to stop this habit, so that lady decided to go to his idol Mahatma Gandhi, and she walked many km to reach Mr. Gandhi in very hot summer and finally reached his Ashram, then she requested Mr. Gandhi to help her out so that her child stop eating Jaggery. After listening patiently Mr. Gandhi asked that lady to come back after 2 weeks, and after two weeks that lady came once again and then Mr. Gandhi asked that boy, you should stop eating Jaggery it is not good for health, boy nodded and promised that he will not be eating Jaggery anymore, Mother was so curious why Mr. Gandhi took 2 weeks to say just one line,

Mr. Gandhi smiled and said 2 week before I was also obsessed with eating Jaggery, in 2 weeks I have quit eating Jaggery, so I needed time to do this.

So from this story we all parents should learn whatever we are guiding to our kids, Are we doing the same thing, if no then try to follow yourself first. It seems very typical to do it initially, but it will definitely give you best results in longer period for sure. Children are just result of our action, whatever we are doing, If we will exercise there is more chance that our child will exercise, if getup early our child will get up early, if we speak truth our child will speak truth, if we are polite, our child will be polite, if we share things and daily experiences with our kids then our child will also do the same with us. These small changes can persuade our kids to do what we expect from them.

 “So our children are just result of our actions, so check your actions first, change your habits, change your daily routine, it will persuade your child to follow it, because your child will not do whatever you ask them to do, they will do whatever they see”.

 

Mohnish Gahnolia

Parenting Coach

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Jagruti A Gouda published in Blogs

Parental Guilt

 

Parental Guilt

You feel guilty that you should be doing more.

You feel guilty when you’ve spent too much money on them.
You feel guilty when you’re not paying enough attention to your kids.
You feel guilty when your work and do-do list occupy your head when you should be present with them.
You feel guilty about that argument you’ve had with your spouse in front of them.
And you feel really, really guilty when you’ve blown your top and yelled at them.
Such and many more parenting emotions nobody ever warned Us about.

Those moments of frustration and anger building to the boiling point and before you know it, you’ve said something you wished you could take back.

Pause, Take A Deep Breath
Mostly every parent, have lost it cool someday or situation.
Many of Us, you’ll hear confessions followed by self-beating.
Maybe, after the 7th time telling your mid- schooler to shut down the video game and get to his math homework, you stunned yourself by that loud scream.
Maybe you had enough of your kids’ fighting over a particular toy so you thrashed it away in bin to end the chaos.
Whatever happened, you felt like an out-of-control.
How are your kids supposed to respect you? How are YOU supposed to respect you?
You know one thing for sure: you really don’t like yourself in these moments. Its Pretty natural to feel that way as kids are developing at pretty fast pace than your actions.

Few tips to stay out of this feeling and overcome them, which we do practice in my courses are

Stop comparing
Just as you shouldn’t compare Yourself to other parents and also comparing your child with others can fuel guilty feelings.
All that really matter in the end is that you are doing best to your knowledge, Lovingly and unconditionally.
These thoughts will slowly vanish when you align your thoughts and take necessary actions with love, instead of focusing on getting it perfect.

Be kind on yourself
Once you identify that you are empty of self love its may be challenging to showcase and flow that out. Hence its necessary to refill before giving that out.
We need to reframe self-love with self-care and not over indulgence in certain activity. i.e., shopping, etc.
Plan a break to caress yourself, sleep, read, spend time with nature and do what you love & recharge so that you bounce back happily.

Find people whom you can talk to and one who guides you
Though opening up on personal feeling and thoughts is never an easy task specially when it comes with fear of being judged.
The key is to vent out and allow the feeling come out of it freely. Only then will you have the freedom of that guilt.

Live in present
By becoming more present in each moment so that you can see and feel your reactions as they unfold.
Responsiveness comes from engaging your conscious mind instead of allowing the subconscious to rule the show.
That means that the key to more effective and fulfilling parenting is to become more conscious, so you can respond INSTEAD OF react.

 

‘GET THE FREEDOM BY GETTING BETTER AND BETTER EVERYDAY.’

Jagruti Gouda

DEEP Parenting Coach

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INDERPREET DAVE published in Blogs

HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD FIND HER LOST THINGS

 

HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD FIND HER LOST THINGS

‘Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.’

  This is the thought of even a three year old whenever she has lost something belonging to her. It is quiet natural for any individual to be worried when they lose something which they may need urgently… and this need depends on the age we are dealing with. For an adult it may be an important file, a pen or a favourite shirt and for a child the object may range from a toy car to the school notebook.

  According to the self proclaimed Findologist Michael Solomon, author of          ‘How to find Lost Objects’…. “Don’t get frantic and keep searching around. There are no missing objects, only unsystematic searches and clutter.” Solomon says if everything is in its place, nothing will be lost.

When your young child faces such a situation you believe that a good parent’s job is to look for the thing and find it for the child so as to make her calm and comfortable. Yet this should not be the principle of good parenting. Whenever your child loses something grab this as an opportunity to help your child be both responsible and accountable or let her move a step further being irresponsible and careless. Here is an easy step wise approach that can help your child and you to work together and help build up a responsible attitude and develop critical thinking also.

  • Retrace their day with them.
  • Ask them, Where they last saw the lost item? Also When was that?
  • Ask, Was there anyone else with them at that time? This will give a good start to the search.
  • Make sure to include your child on the searching process along with you.
  • The questioning here is the most important strategy to trigger thinking in the child, so DO NOT skip it.

The easiest way to solve the problem of lost things is to go out and replace them with new ones. Unfortunately this is the worst thing a parent can do as by doing so your child will not be able to learn from her mistakes and will most likely repeat them for the rest of her life.

Some practices that can be followed by parents to make your child more responsible—

  • Repetitions helps —fix a regular routine of packing same things, at the same time and in similar fashion.
  • Make sure that your child and NOT YOU place her stuff back at its place after use.
  • Prepare a picture checklist for your ward’s things where she can put check marks for stuff placed back at its place and feel motivated when done.
  • Finally help your child understand that ‘IF YOU MESS UP, FESS UP.

By

Inderpreet Dave

DEEP Parenting

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Tanu Singh published in Articles, Blogs

Parenting Tips to Prevent Your Child From Being Stubborn

Children misbehave for many reasons, but the most common one is that they are just bored. They realize that their behavior works, especially if they get their way and get what they want by doing so. Sometimes the desire for power is also the reason behind their mischievousness since this is a way for a kid to try and assert control. So, it is important to know how to battle these actions and how to handle them in a good way.
Bright Side would love to help make your life as a parent a little easier, so i would like to present to you 9 tips on how to prevent these pesky tantrums.

1. Show them a more calm approach to situations

 


Children often like to copy their parents, so we should model their behavior and actions by teaching them to be calm. If they throw a tantrum and you start yelling at them, that’s what will become normal to them. So, instead, show them a different way to deal with their emotions.

2. Offer choices, so they can decide what they want to do

According to assistant professor Angie T. Cranor, giving your child a choice will help satisfy their need to feel in control. So, if they have to pick up their toys and then brush their teeth, ask them which one they want to do first.

3. Carry snacks with you

 


Bad behavior or a bad attitude is often due to hunger, so if you and your child are outside, carrying snacks with you might save you a potential tantrum and keep your child in a good mood.

4. Make them aware of potential bad outcomes

 

“Because I said so” is not a good reason to give to a child when they ask you why they shouldn’t do something. Always try to communicate with them and explain to them what might happen if they are misbehaving and why they shouldn’t do certain things. Make them aware of the natural consequences their actions might have, so they can learn and make better decisions for themselves later.

5. Create a home routine they have to follow and reward them for it

 


Help them develop a good routine like no TV after a certain time, helping with the dishes, brushing their teeth, and going to bed at an appropriate time. And if you want to get creative, you could draw up a board for the month. Tell them that if they follow their routine for the whole month (or 1 or 2 weeks) they could get some kind of reward of their choosing.

6. Give them logical consequences for breaking the rules

 


Logical consequences are tied to a specific misbehavior. For example, if your child doesn’t want to eat their greens, don’t let them have dessert. Or if they don’t want to pick up their toys, don’t let them play with them for the rest of the day. This is good for kids who are struggling with specific things. However, avoid consequences that aren’t logical, for example — if they don’t want to eat their food, don’t make them clean the garage.

7. Redirect the child’s attention

 


According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, sometimes kids can misbehave because they are bored or don’t know any better. So, finding them something to do, specifically something to keep them engaged and entertained, could redirect their attention to something good rather than naughty.

8. Try to ask for their opinions and solutions to problems

 


Ask them if there is a problem or if something is bothering them, if there is something wrong and they tell you what it is, sit down with them and discuss it. Try to ask for their opinions and thoughts on what they think they should do to fix a problem. If they don’t have an answer help them out a bit, but remember, it’s important to make them feel like they are solving their problem and it’s important to congratulate them and encourage them.

9. Acknowledge the emotions they are feeling and try to help them

 


Instead of acting like they are bad or mischievous, you can show them that you understand them and how they are feeling. Since emotions play a big role in a child’s behavior, it’s always good to acknowledge them. For example, a simple, “I know you’re disappointed we can’t go out to the beach today, but the weather is not good. Let’s do something else together to make up for it,” could go a long way with your child.
How do you handle the situation when your children are misbehaving? Please share any extra trips with other parents in the comments! ?

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Santosh Bakhshi published in Blogs

Dad Discipline v/s Mom Discipline

Dad Discipline v/s Mom Discipline

A Topic Seldom discussed by Parents!

 

Back in my childhood, Dad worked from 10 am to midnight. Mom was the ‘YellBox’ and when yelling didn’t work, she was the Chhittar Champion Rani, always ranking 1st in society. But when even that failed to work. — “Papa ko aane do, Daant padegi tab seedha hoga”. was the Final Warning – An Indian Patent Disciplinary Sentence proudly used for years by Indian Mothers .

This was the Final Frontier in Discipline and then Dad walked into the scene. Dad just had a look that was accompanied by deafening silence. That look meant “Feel my power”! 

Is it the same today? is there a difference between Mother and Father Discipline? Should there be a difference and how does it account for? Researchers suggest that Father and Mother discipline do differ. This has been now noted and in an unpredictable way. The indication is that children are more immediately influenced by their mothers, but that as they grow older, their father’s disciplinary practices through the years are deeply correlated with their social behavior.

 “Father Effect” as it is called, a difficult topic to be discussed in most Indian Households. Having discussed this topic with many Dads I have been astonished to know that the Dads are awkward to discuss this, Yes, even the CEO DAD!

Physical contact, nurturing, reassurance – remains difficult or not expressed much.

As each day unfolds with more uncertainties for a family today, compared to the ‘Certainty chart’ of family routine and behavior being followed upto early 2000, The traditional father as the head of the home now does not carry the acceptance as it once did. Say Researches. Modern dads might yell or be distant, but that’s no longer accepted as a norm. Children today have a substantively different concept of what a father’s role is supposed to be.

For example, it has come to light after many kinds of research, over changing times and after analyzing different cultures, that, Mothers tend to discipline kids more because they care about their social relationship with their child. That’s why mothers are more likely to take misbehavior personally and in return of which, kids are primed to react more emotionally. Dads are diagonally different here, they tend to discipline because they want their children to grow up to do well in the world and not get denied opportunities. In other words, the impact of paternal discipline may show up later in life because that’s actually the intent.

Thus, Rejection from fathers today contributes to adolescent wariness in social situations in ways that other family relationships do not. Whether harsh and rejecting or empathetic and nurturing, the scientific consensus is that dad discipline does have a substantive impact which is Slow and reflected upon when the child grows up and is out there on her/his own.

This difference is very important to be understood by the Parents themselves.

Most of the misery for the child lies in the fact that each parent wants the other parent to discipline the child, as they do. A very close family member enlightened me on this aspect recently. She stated it beautifully,

“Ishan has me as a Mother, he is served food at the table and the dining time is set at 45 mins. Post which the Table is cleared.

 Ishan has his Father, who ensures Ishan finishes the meal and scrubs the utensils clean”.

Ishan respects both disciplines as the parents don’t fight about which is the correct discipline. Ishan has learned over time to ensure the meal is consumed within 45mins of being served and the utensils to be cleaned as well.

While the above example might not be the ideal common platform of discipline to be followed by all parents, it does give us an understanding that the parents need to first respect their individualities in how they discipline the child because for the child, Both Disciplines are essential!

Who kehte hain na.. 

माँ पानी है, रोज़ पौदे को सींचती है, तो पिता खाद है,पौदे को रखता आबाद है

We need both disciplines in life! 

Santosh Bakhshi

Life Coach. Parenting Coach. A learning Father

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Santosh Bakhshi published in Blogs

Digital Exposure & Experiencing Nature -The Balance Our Children Need

Digital Exposure & Experiencing Nature -The Balance our children need!

 

One of the perks of working as a parenting coach and counselor is being able to pull from your own experiences, both as a father and of course as a kid. This forces you to realize just how much has changed since your childhood. As a latchkey kid who thrived on fresh air, Extensive Playtime, and family dinners, I look at today’s generation of tech-savvy tots and wonder when — and, more importantly, how — this transformation occurred.

Today’s childhood is getting trapped in a world of gadgetry!

My first “owned” Gadget was at 21. A cellphone shared by my sister  and me, but operated by my Father because ‘you all are young to use it and hey it is expensive!

The most telling difference between my childhood and the present, however, is today’s lack of time. Time to explore, time to experiment, time to be a child – which means, most importantly, time to play.

Mr.COVID having added to it all!

The Kids of the big cities and now rapidly increasing in Towns as well are living in a ‘citified’ environment- lack of connection with Nature.

A child, any growing child needs stimulation-

The Gadgets, The screens, The schools and even the parents are however becoming Overwhelming rather than stimulating to a child’s sensory demands.

The Child may have all the consumption but is steadily being devoid of the Engagement.

We are teaching our children how to make a living, but not life!

We’ve been telling them how we have made our way to the moon and back, but have trouble letting them meet the new neighbor.

This boon of ‘Digital Fidgeting’ has taken away the ‘Friendly Neighbourhood’.

Quite a Paradox is it not!

So, is there a way back from this? Should we reconsider?

Should we BAN the Digital world from a child’s life?

As a Parenting Coach, I have counseled and seen many cases where extremes have failed!

The answer one feels is in Division of the day, week, month.

Slowly and steadily compartmentalize the mind of the child to understand that the week is going to be designed into 2 parts.

Balanced between Boons of Digital Exposure to The abundance of Nature.

Children nowadays have many more opportunities to literally see the world than we had. In our time, we could only read about different countries and their culture through books. Now, there is digital media to support that experience and of course, not to mention the opportunity to travel and experience first-hand. so why not have a balance.

When you introduce your little one to animals and their sounds on the television, ensure you take her/him to the zoo to see those animals in their natural habitat and hear those sounds real in the next 2 days. This makes 2 days of both offering them Digital Exposure and Experiencing Nature.

When your child watches an animal animation fiction on the Tele, that same week Arrange for a trip to an Animal Café for her/him to feel the warmth and compassion of the animals of different kinds.

The above examples will ensure that a child will consume the ways and means of an animal kingdom, species, and their ways via digital boon and then experience the engagement when they visit such places and feel their sensory demands being satisfied.

A perfect example of balance and harmony of

Look, Listen & feel.

This can be tried in all aspects of the child’s interest. Now the child will know and appreciate the difference between learning from digital media and being and feeling in the real environment. The child enjoys and appreciates the worth of both aspects.

Woh kehte hain na, “ बच्चों को ये सिखाना चाहिए कि कैसे सोचें , ना कि क्या सोचें।

To me, this will create an environment for the child to recognize the balance between Consumption and Engagement.

 

-Santosh Bakhshi

A Life Coach & A Learning Father!

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Aditi Malik published in Articles, Blogs

How can we address kids Emotional Cravings?

How can we address kids Emotional Cravings?

 

Kids crave for parents undivided attention. Gizmos, gadgets, devices all are an escape route for them when they are not given to do things they truly want to engage themselves with. Have we ever realized just as we have cravings children too crave for a lot of things? Cravings are not only associated with eating disorders or providing for a sweet tooth, there are emotional cravings too. These days the pace of life is so fast that it is easy to shrug off our children’s emotional and psychological needs. How about listening to those cravings of your child and addressing them one step at a time? While it may not be possible to settle all their needs and cravings in one go but as parents can we hear them out by paying close attention to what they truly desire from a parent? All that children need is an emotional connection with their parents or primary caregivers.

 

Here are 10 things that kids crave to do with their parents.

1. Mamma  – Tell me story or read to me

2. Play hide and seek with me.

3. Involve me in your work. Can i help you mamma?

4. Can you get me a surprise today?

5. Can you take me to the garden today?

6. Let’s do a bubble bath together ?

7. Can you put nail paint on me.

8. Come with me, stay with me all the time.

9. When are we meeting my friends ? (Since lockdown this is one of the most frequently asked question by my girls.)

10. Don’t go to the office today. I want to play with you.

 

Well some ‘asks’ are easy and fun while the others may not be easy to address on an everyday basis and that is okay. What is important is, to understand that kids do not need expensive objects or toys, all they require is undivided attention, unstructured playtime and a non judgmental approach from their parents. So, what do your children crave from you? Do give it a thought. Hear them out. It’s time to get reflective and give them what they truly desire from you even if it is in piece-meal.

 

Let’s try to invest time in our children because these will help you build beautiful memories as a family. If we are able to give them the desired attention, that in itself is playing a big role in settling their cravings. So, what are you thinking? Get set going and be a family that has fun rather than the one that’s always on the run.

 

I hope you found this blog useful. Do share your ideas and suggestions on how you think kid’s cravings can be addressed.

 

Happy Parenting!

Aditi Malik

Blogger, Podcaster and Parenting Coach.

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Vishakha published in Blogs

How to take care of your child’s mental health?

How to take care of your child’s mental health?

Living in the modern world, we all might have heard our peers’ discussing how emotional health is equally important as our physical health!

Well, it’s true. However, if you belong to Generation X or even if you are a Millennial, who is now a parent, you might relate to a lot of stuff discussed in this brief piece on mental health.

Remember the times when our hearts smiled more than our faces! Yes, I am referring to our childhood.

It was the time when innocence was the most prominent trait. Among our cousins and friends, there were occasional fights that lacked blame or ego.

A time when we used to play with toys that were not so electronic.

A time in life where the denial was mostly associated with “I won’t share my piece of cake or chocolate with anyone.”

A time so carefree… isn’t it?

While we grew up, every time somebody threw a No at us, most of us thought it’s such a blessing to grow up and live life on our terms. Little did we know of how much goes into living life on our own terms.

As we grew a little old and began experiencing the bits of life firsthand, we gradually enrolled ourselves for the rat race of making it big in life. Our spirits were then forced to carry the weight of performance and peer pressure.

Over time, these pressures and challenges lead to an understanding of the importance of emotional well being.

Would you like such a life for your child?

Definitely not! We all want our children to live a better life than ours and offer them the best possible support we can. Right?

Here, it’s crucial to note that just like physical health, emotional health is vital for the human body and soul.

Maintaining emotional wellbeing allows children and young adults to develop resilience to cope with whatever life throws at them and grow into well rounded, healthy adults.

Alarmingly, 70% of children and young adults experience a mental health problem such as depression, abuse, etc.

Most children grow up mentally healthy, but surveys suggest that many children and adolescents move towards depression and anxiety troubles. It has emerged to be a case because of the frequent changes in the way we live and how that affects a child’s experience growing up.

How can you maintain your Children’s mental health? 

1. Parental Help: Parents must have a warm, open relationship with their children. One essential job to be done is to pay full attention to your child and acknowledge their feelings. Reaching out and talking to them would help them avoid finding solace in harmful distractions like Smartphone’s, gaming, prohibited activities, etc.

2. Professional Help: A parental coach can assist and advise you to better understand your relationship with the child and provide you with the right tools to correct behavioural issues.

Let’s learn more about professional help.

Parent coaching sessions offer the progenitors with the tools required to handle nearly any situation in the family. The certified coaches are proficient in assisting moms and dads in creating a roadmap to:

● learn efficient ways to respond to scenarios instead of reacting abruptly

● imbibe ways to become patient and kind towards the child

● creating a calmer, happier, and more inviting environment for the child

● improve the overall relationship between parent and child

● learning effective ways to communicate with children of every age

● understanding the behavioural patterns and demands of children

We all are living in lifestyles that are busy and hectic. Reaching out for coaching helps solve prevalent issues and teaches parents the right way to deal with their child and avoid any arguing, whining, or bickering with them.

Each session provides techniques, tools, and strategies to handle specific family life issues. A coach avoids talking about the past and instead focuses all attention on now and the days ahead. With assistance, parents produce results by developing clear, concise steps to determine intentions, values, and goals for moving forward to a healthier family.

With every session, a parent can learn new techniques, strategies, or methods to handle specific family issues. A parent coach would always motivate you to focus on the future and avoid talking about the past. With the right assistance, you, as a parent, can witness fantastic results, leading to form a healthy and happy family.

While looking for your child’s mental health, below are some other aspects that can be worked upon are:

1) Maintaining good physical health, eating a balanced diet and following a regular exercise routine

2) Making them feel loved, trusted, understood, valued and safe

3) Making them learn and grab opportunities to succeed

4) Accepting who they are and recognizing what they are skilled at!

5) Since your child can test your nerves, attaining mindfulness will make you happier and let you manage anxiety, stress, and depression.

 

Author

Vishakha Goyal
Founder- LifeLitmus
IPA Expert, Parenting Coach, Access Bar Practitioner, Sound Healer

 

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