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Faiza Parvez published in Articles, Blogs, Community

EFFECTIVE TIPS TO RAISE KIDS IN A JOINT FAMILY


EFFECTIVE TIPS TO RAISE KIDS IN A JOINT FAMILY

Raising kids in a joint family can be a great way to provide them with a strong support system and a sense of community. However, it can also be challenging, as there are often more people involved in decision-making and discipline. Here are some tips for raising kids in a joint family:

  • Communicate with your extended family. It’s important to communicate with your extended family about your parenting goals and expectations. This will help to ensure that everyone is on the same page and that your child is getting the consistent messages they need.
  • Set clear boundaries. It’s important to set clear boundaries with your extended family, especially when it comes to discipline. Let them know what you are comfortable with and what you are not.
  • Be respectful of your extended family’s opinions. Even if you don’t agree with everything they say, it’s important to be respectful of their opinions. This will help to create a more positive and harmonious environment for your child.
  • Be grateful for the support. Raising kids in a joint family can be a lot of work, but it’s also a lot of support. Be grateful for the help that your extended family provides and let them know how much you appreciate it.

Here are some additional tips:

  • Involve your extended family in your child’s life. This could include taking them on outings, spending time with them at home, or asking them to help with childcare.
  • Encourage your child to spend time with their grandparents and other extended family members. This will help them to build strong relationships with their elders and learn about their family history.
  • Talk to your child about the importance of respecting their elders. This will help them to understand the value of family and tradition.
  • Be patient and understanding. Raising kids in a joint family can be challenging, but it’s also a rewarding experience. Be patient with your child and your extended family, and remember that everyone is doing their best.

Here are some specific challenges that you may face when raising kids in a joint family:

  • Differing parenting styles. It’s common for extended family members to have different parenting styles than you do. This can be a challenge, as you may not agree with how they are raising your child. It’s important to communicate with your extended family about your parenting goals and expectations, and to set clear boundaries.
  • Lack of privacy. Living in a joint family can mean that you have less privacy than you would if you lived in a nuclear family. This can be a challenge, especially when it comes to raising teenagers. It’s important to find ways to give your child some privacy, even if it’s just a few minutes each day.
  • Feeling overwhelmed. Raising kids in a joint family can be a lot of work. It’s important to ask for help from your extended family when you need it. Don’t be afraid to say no if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
  • Despite the challenges, raising kids in a joint family can be a rewarding experience. By following these tips, you can create a positive and supportive environment for your child.

AUTHOR

     FAIZA PARVEZ

     Parenting coach 

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Sandhya Lal published in Articles, Blogs, Inspiration

How to get your Happiness Dose?

A question that is always asked to me “How can I be happy?” Happiness is an art which can be learnt. If you are a parent it is a boon in your life. Positive and Happy Parenting does take too much of your time and when practiced just like any other artform leads to a better state of mind and happier families. If you pay attention to what you do on the canvas it will be beautiful piece.  It is all about the choices you make in life. Just like an art piece we use colour, we have a medium, paints, and a canvas all come together to make a masterpiece. But if any one of the elements is not there you will not get the  outcome you want. So! For positive parenting you need to be happy first yourself. Today I am going to give you a a happy pill  “The Happiness DOSE for no added cost “. You heard me right it is free.

There are four hormones created in our body when we do certain activities. When you incorporate them in your life on a regular basis you are ensured true happiness.

THE DOSE IS

  1. D – DOPAMINE    – The reward Hormone
  2. O – OXYTOCINE   – The Love Hormone
  3. S  – SEROTONINE  – The Mood Stabilizer
  4. E  – ENDORPHINE – The Pain Killer

Let me explain these are not medicines you need from the store even though these may be prescribed as pills by docs in small doses. Why not get it by doing these activities?

1. D- Dopamine – The Reward Hormone

        This hormone is created in our body when you do something rewarding. Something we can do to increase DOPAMINE in our body is complete a pending task, trying to cook something new, taking up a hobby like singing, painting. When  you complete these tasks we feel happy. We also need  self-love like a grooming,  manicure, hair cut, trip to the saloon or buying something for yourself or your child. One must learn to celebrate the little things and small achievements in life. Try something new an activity that takes you out of your comfort zone and when you achieve success you will be rewarding your body with Dopamine. Do you know that even shopping for yourself helps release Dopamine. So! do groom and take care of yourself because self care is important too.

2. O- OXYTOCIN – The Love Hormone

The love hormone like the word suggests come when we do something that shows love. When we get a hug or hold hands, we are happy. A gentle touch a kiss on the cheek or forehead makes us happy. Playing with a baby or a pet will make us happy. Even receiving and giving a compliment, appreciation, and gratitude releases Oxytocin. As an adult even sex is important. So! Next time don’t be stingy in showering your loved one with hugs and kisses or a praise cause appreciation releases Oxytocin.

3. S- SEROTONIN – The Mood Stabilizer

What did you feel the last time you went for a holiday jumped in a swimming pool, walked in the nature or walked in nature , or took a trek ? Did you feel happy? Did you feel relaxed? When you attend a meditation session does your mind feel at peace? Well! The mood stabilizer SEROTONINE is at work during this time. You can do this even if you are not on a holiday. You may ask me how? Well! You can walk in the Garden next to your house early in the morning or take a run or jog on the road. Your body is

releasing this happy hormone. That’s why you see people who are into yoga, walking, running, cycling, and swimming are in a happy state when they are doing this activity. Doing this on a regular basis will make you a happier person. Your body releases Oxytocin.

4. E- ENDORPHINE – The Pain Killer

How do you feel when you ate dark-mint chocolate? How do feel when you enter a room that smelled beautiful and refreshing? When you exercise and sweat how does your body and mind feel? When you are not well i

n pain and friend comes along and makes you laugh. Do you feel the

 pain was less? If you have said yes! you feel happy, better, or less pain it is true because here 

at this time Endorphin is being pumped into your body in full swing. Too much chocolate will make you put on weight so then you need to work that extra calorie. When you enter a spa, and it smells good. What’s happening? Again, endorphins are released. These are all pain-relieving activities. So dark chocolate, essence and laughter is a natural pain killer. There is a saying “Laughter is the best medicine”. The next time you are low have a laugh.

You need to BOSS YOUR MIND and BODY to become happy and make sure you get your happiness dose everyday no matter what.

Now! That you know all the things you can do to stay in a happier state on mind you can apply this also with your children. Go down and play with them in the park, take a walk, play new games, laugh, dance exercise together.  Give a task to your child and reward them accordingly too.

Follow the HAPPINESS DOSE mantra to be a in a Happier state of mind. Remember theses activities are not just YOU BUT FOR YOUR FAMILY TOO

– Sandhya Lal

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REKHA SUBRAMANIAN published in Articles, Blogs

What is true? Finding yourself or Creating Yourself

According to me Life is a journey. In this journey, everything we go through is a process. Finding yourself and creating yourself is a process. Both are interlinked and connected.

Finding yourself means knowing about yourself or in other words self-discovery. Understand who you are. Because when you are in mother’s womb, you get the genes from your parents. You adapt some of their qualities, looks, nature, etc. That’s why you resemble your family members in looks and behaviour. So, it’s not completely in your control.

Finding yourself helps us to understand better about your nature and character, who you are. But when you look at yourselves, you always want to be someone else. We have been said that finding yourself is very important. When you think about your life, you understand what you want to be. In the process of doing so, you realise that it is actually not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself.

Creating yourself means working on self to become the person whom you want to be. Finding yourself means you already exist. You are already someone and you just need to search. Once found the journey comes to end.

Creating yourself is not at all easy. It’s a continuous process. You need to come out of the comfort zone and push yourself hard. There is no end to this process. Even when you become the person you want to be, you still need to practice every day. Otherwise, you come back to your comfort zone and becomes difficult to come out of it.

It is not an easy task. There are lot of things involved. Like where do you start from and where you want to reach. In simple words, it needs a lot of planning, set our goals. For e.g. when we want to go on a vacation, first we decide our destination and then how to reach and when to reach. What mode of transport we need to take and even after so much of planning and preparation sometimes we face lot of challenges during the journey.

Creating yourself is exactly the same. You decide the destination what you want to become. Then you need to plan from where you want to start and how. Remember the journey might not be easy. There will be lot of challenges. Both external and internal. First, you need to set the mindset and you need to overcome all the hurdles on your mind. This will give you strength to overcome the external challenges too.

When we reach our destination, our whole life transforms. When I say transform means there is a shift from within. Just like when you sow a seed, the process starts from within. It doesn’t become a plant or a tree next day. It is a time taking process. You keep watering it every day.  It might not be visible outside. Does that mean that you stop watering it every day? No because you don’t know exactly how much time it will take. Suddenly one day you find small leaves comes out. And for a plant to become a tree, takes years and years of time.

 

 

Similarly, transformation is a process. It happens within yourself. And slowly the impact is reflected outside. It is an inch-by-inch process within. It might take time to reflect outside. This doesn’t mean that you stop working on yourself. You need to be continuously in this process of creating yourself. You need to be patient with yourself, give yourself enough time to grow within and become the person whom you always wanted to be. And once we become that person, journey never stops there. You need to keep on yourself working every day and every time. This is the most creative thing in your life – “Creating Yourself”.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” – George Benard Shaw.

 

 

 

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Neetu J. Talwar published in Articles, Blogs

Help Yourself and Your Child Busting the Exam Stress !!!

Help Yourself and Your Child Busting the Exam Stress!!!

Parents easily get stressed when the exam time of the children draw closer. Exams can really be stressful for the entire family, but in reality, it needn’t be this way. It’s understandable that the child will experience stress and anxiety. If we as parents stress out, kids will stress out even more. Instead of putting additional pressure, there is a lot that parents can do motivate their kids for scoring well and prepare systematically for their exams.

Here are 10 practical and handy tips for the parents that will help them prepare their kids score well in the exams and reduce stress:-

  1. Know your child’s Exam time table – A very helpful way to help reducing yours and your child’s stress during their exams. Parents must know what exam the child has got next in order to help them prepare on time. It proves to be an extra element of support. You can simply add it to your calendar or pin a copy of the exam time table onto the notice board.
  2. Regular monitoring of their studies– Always take some time out to monitor your child’s progress. Sit with your child and design a schedule so that he or she has enough time for revision. Lending a helping hand in building a useful schedule for their days and weeks will help them efficiently utilizing their time. Don’t let them putting off all the preparation for the last days.
  3. Cut back on distractions– Any distractions, be it TV, gadgets, phones, gatherings, parties or even a disturbance from siblings must be avoided. It’s imperative to give your child the right atmosphere during exams to make him perform and score well. Try to allocate a comfortable room or a space in the home for your child to study in peace. 
  4. Do not compromise on child’s nutrition – Your Child health might get affected while dealing with exams pressure. An extra and special care is very much required keeping in mind the pressure child has on his mind. Adding fresh and seasonal fruits may do wonders for them. It helps them improving their concentration levels. 
  5. Enough sleep is fundamental – Be it school or exam, enough sleep is essential for a child to perform well. Teenagers have a habit of catching up on social media before bed which can cut the sleep time resulting in them being tired right before their exam. Prohibiting device in bedroom especially during exams or cutting off the internet is highly recommended. Installing parental control is also advisable during exam time.
  6. Help them to be active – Encourage them to take breaks between studies. As studying continuously will tire out the brain and affect the ability to retain knowledge. A power nap, stretching exercises, listening to music OR dancing can refresh and re-energize them.  Processed food, high caffeine or sugar intake can make kids anxious during exam days. Teenagers are recommended not to exceed 100 ml of caffeine a day.  Encourage them to take plenty of water.
  7. Never compare your child – Comparing your child with other kids, using negative words to demean them, or questioning their caliber on the basis of scores will just hurt the sentiments of the child. His true potential shouldn’t be measured with scores in the exams. Parents must remember that  exams are just one of the many challenges your child will face and it’s not the end of life. So, take it easy!
  8. Reward your child efforts- Rewarding your child is important to motivate them to put their best foot forward. Don’t bribe them with expensive gifts. A simple family outing or catching up with friends or cousins after the exam can help the child to take his pressure off.
  9. Identifying warning signs, if any – Its imperative to ensure your child’s mental well-being too. It’s natural to feel anxious during exams. But if there are signs of extreme anxiety, loss of appetite, anger issues or irritated mood, these could indicate that the child is not keeping well. Always keep a check, intervene and talk to them at the right time.
  10. Stay calm – Don’t build too much pressure on them. Stand in support of your child, believe in his abilities, help them preparing for the exams without overburdening them with your expectations.

 

So, stay calm! And if you can’t, fake it till you make it. Try to hold your stress inside and not to discuss with your child.

Hope these tips will help you and your child staying stress free in the days of examinations. These tips will not only help them coping with stress but will also form the right outlook for exams.

Author

Neetu J. Talwar

ESL Trainer and Parenting Coach from Deep

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Sunny Nagpal published in Inspiration

Do you want to be a millionaire parent?

The Millionaire YOU

Millionaire #mindset for kids.

All of us are born with this gift. Just go back in your early magical years, almost all in 0-5 years, we lived in abundance and not in lack.

In full confidence and not in doubt. Crawl, walk, brush, play and everything.

Let us celebrate life with the child like spirit. Your brain knows the secret. Let us relive to grow, to love, to connect, to feel more amazing and awesome.

Happy nurturing self and your child.

3H formula always works.

Head

Heart and

Hands.

Head is to explain logic, facts, figures, IQ is developed and report card is amazing.

Heart is to nurture values. Child learns values are much more important than valuables. EQ is more important than IQ. IQ makes one an executive, EQ makes one a manager and a leader.

Hands are for life skills, home skills, hand on skills going beyond knowledge and IQ.

Get set go with 3H. IQ and EQ. See you in the next blog on AQ, CQ and SQ. Be a smillanaire by being a Smiling Parent.

 

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COACH MOHNISH GAHNOLIA published in Articles, Blogs

“Children are just result of your actions”

“Children are just result of your actions”

Parents expect their child to be faithful, disciplined (getup early),be polite, helpful, not to greed, exercise daily, sleep early, not to use cell phones, not to eat chocolates and ice creams, get 100% grades, study all the time. Likewise there are thousands of expectations that a child expects from their parents. Aren’t we as a parent over burdening our kids with our never ending expectations?

My question is for each and every parent, are we doing the same things which we expect from our kids to do?

I don’t think so, instead of guiding our kids, we as a parent need to be trained at first, so that we can guide our kids in very healthy and progressive manner. Many of you will contradict with my viewpoint.

Let us understand with one example of our childhood, have you ever came across with the situation at home, when your father were actually present at home and someone from our relative call on landline or came to our door step, and then we were asked to say NO to them, that no one is at home or father is not at home. Don’t we think we ourselves are guiding and teaching our children to speak lies, then how do we expect our kids to speak truth always?

Let’s understand with a story,

In 1930’s there was a lady whose son was eating Jaggery a lot, but her mother wanted his child to stop this habit, so that lady decided to go to his idol Mahatma Gandhi, and she walked many km to reach Mr. Gandhi in very hot summer and finally reached his Ashram, then she requested Mr. Gandhi to help her out so that her child stop eating Jaggery. After listening patiently Mr. Gandhi asked that lady to come back after 2 weeks, and after two weeks that lady came once again and then Mr. Gandhi asked that boy, you should stop eating Jaggery it is not good for health, boy nodded and promised that he will not be eating Jaggery anymore, Mother was so curious why Mr. Gandhi took 2 weeks to say just one line,

Mr. Gandhi smiled and said 2 week before I was also obsessed with eating Jaggery, in 2 weeks I have quit eating Jaggery, so I needed time to do this.

So from this story we all parents should learn whatever we are guiding to our kids, Are we doing the same thing, if no then try to follow yourself first. It seems very typical to do it initially, but it will definitely give you best results in longer period for sure. Children are just result of our action, whatever we are doing, If we will exercise there is more chance that our child will exercise, if getup early our child will get up early, if we speak truth our child will speak truth, if we are polite, our child will be polite, if we share things and daily experiences with our kids then our child will also do the same with us. These small changes can persuade our kids to do what we expect from them.

 “So our children are just result of our actions, so check your actions first, change your habits, change your daily routine, it will persuade your child to follow it, because your child will not do whatever you ask them to do, they will do whatever they see”.

 

Mohnish Gahnolia

Parenting Coach

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Jagruti A Gouda published in Blogs

Parental Guilt

 

Parental Guilt

You feel guilty that you should be doing more.

You feel guilty when you’ve spent too much money on them.
You feel guilty when you’re not paying enough attention to your kids.
You feel guilty when your work and do-do list occupy your head when you should be present with them.
You feel guilty about that argument you’ve had with your spouse in front of them.
And you feel really, really guilty when you’ve blown your top and yelled at them.
Such and many more parenting emotions nobody ever warned Us about.

Those moments of frustration and anger building to the boiling point and before you know it, you’ve said something you wished you could take back.

Pause, Take A Deep Breath
Mostly every parent, have lost it cool someday or situation.
Many of Us, you’ll hear confessions followed by self-beating.
Maybe, after the 7th time telling your mid- schooler to shut down the video game and get to his math homework, you stunned yourself by that loud scream.
Maybe you had enough of your kids’ fighting over a particular toy so you thrashed it away in bin to end the chaos.
Whatever happened, you felt like an out-of-control.
How are your kids supposed to respect you? How are YOU supposed to respect you?
You know one thing for sure: you really don’t like yourself in these moments. Its Pretty natural to feel that way as kids are developing at pretty fast pace than your actions.

Few tips to stay out of this feeling and overcome them, which we do practice in my courses are

Stop comparing
Just as you shouldn’t compare Yourself to other parents and also comparing your child with others can fuel guilty feelings.
All that really matter in the end is that you are doing best to your knowledge, Lovingly and unconditionally.
These thoughts will slowly vanish when you align your thoughts and take necessary actions with love, instead of focusing on getting it perfect.

Be kind on yourself
Once you identify that you are empty of self love its may be challenging to showcase and flow that out. Hence its necessary to refill before giving that out.
We need to reframe self-love with self-care and not over indulgence in certain activity. i.e., shopping, etc.
Plan a break to caress yourself, sleep, read, spend time with nature and do what you love & recharge so that you bounce back happily.

Find people whom you can talk to and one who guides you
Though opening up on personal feeling and thoughts is never an easy task specially when it comes with fear of being judged.
The key is to vent out and allow the feeling come out of it freely. Only then will you have the freedom of that guilt.

Live in present
By becoming more present in each moment so that you can see and feel your reactions as they unfold.
Responsiveness comes from engaging your conscious mind instead of allowing the subconscious to rule the show.
That means that the key to more effective and fulfilling parenting is to become more conscious, so you can respond INSTEAD OF react.

 

‘GET THE FREEDOM BY GETTING BETTER AND BETTER EVERYDAY.’

Jagruti Gouda

DEEP Parenting Coach

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Mohita Aggarwal published in Articles

UNDERSTANDING ANGER; LEARN TO HANDLE IT , NOT TO GET RID OF IT

To start with, I always give this advice to all with anger issues, do not try to get rid of it but learn how to manage it as this is a more realistic goal. Let us take a closer look at the essence of anger. Its basic nature is demand, this demand can be from oneself, others or from the world, and it is connected to our ego component. Unfortunately, humans sometimes fail to realize when their expectations turn to demands. Let me exemplify this, I should be the best influencer on Instagram (demand on oneself), my parents should have the same goals as me (demand on others) and, people should accept me as the best singer in the world (demand from the world). What I mean to say is that if people become aware of their language and change the modals of SHOULD to PREFER, there can be a significant mind shift in them as it is a known fact that our language helps us change our beliefs and these beliefs in turn change our thoughts and thus our behavior. Therefore, I request all those who have anger issues to change their modals of must and should to prefer and say for instance, I will prefer if I become the best influencer on the Instagram, I will prefer if my parents share the same goal as me and finally, I will prefer if the world accepts me as the best singer. Thus, the focus here is on becoming aware of your language and trying to use a more flexible language.

Since I have mentioned the word aware, I will emphasize on it as the first step to transform oneself. If a person is aware of his or her non-useful patterns of thoughts and behaviors, he can move towards change. How does one become aware? This is created by self- reflection and analysis which is a cognition only we humans possess when compared to other animals. It is definitely a great gift as when we become aware of our triggers which make us angry, we can remove ourselves physically from the person or situation, in other words use the avoidance technique.

To understand anger further, I will have to bust a few myths related to anger. Firstly, that venting out your anger helps. To clarify, research says that venting out anger has no benefits; in fact, it is detrimental to all, the person, others and the environment. So, I recommend that all with anger problems delay it rather than venting it. Let us talk about the second myth which is that a person can have a calm demeanor when angry. This is not possible for sure, so I suggest instead of an unrealistic outcome, we focus on a more realistic one and try to achieve a healthy anger rather than an unhealthy one. Let me explain how your anger can be healthy, instead of shouting and blaming, use an assertive language and blame the issue and not the person. When our language is respectful and the tone befitting then we are being assertive in the true sense. This takes a lot of practice but it is certainly achievable.

I would like to leave you with a couple of techniques for managing anger.

Because I am an ardent fan of positive psychology, I would suggest you to use the visualization technique which is a solution focused technique often used for people with anger difficulties. Ask yourself the below questions:

If you wake up after 3 years and your anger has disappeared, then,

  1. What would you do differently?
  2. What behaviour would you like to stop?
  3. How would you be behaving with others without this anger?
  4. What would your day look like?
  5. Would your goals be different?

Let me describe how this helps, initially this activity gives the hope to the individual that he can get rid of his anger, secondly, it helps him see the advantages of not having this not so useful behaviour and  it helps to gain another perspective that he has a choice to behave differently. Lastly, this imagination takes the person to his goals which are opposite to his problems.

At the end, I would like to recommend a technique included in Mindfulness which encourages us to be in here and now and observe the incident AS IS. I want to be very clear that the only thing a person who is angry can do is take deep breaths as anger arouses our nervous system and it also affects many other systems of our anatomy. Any suggested technique will be useful once they have calmed their excited body.  Let me throw some light on this activity, close your eyes and recall an event when you felt really angry and open your eyes after 30 seconds and talk about how that felt and you would surely have felt something of the actual feelings. Close your eyes again and this time recall that time calmly from the outside. Viewing it as a CCTV camera or as an observer, but this time imagine how it could have been different without this negative emotion of anger. Reviewing this memory, lowers your emotion and attachment and makes you pay attention to aspects you were not aware of before, maybe, your physiology or your voice modulations. In this case, we are encouraging them to use their logical brain and encouraging detached observation. There is no doubt that when we are angry , we go into our emotional brain and we need to come out of it and go to our logical brain to take  better decisions. This technique helps in cognitive restructuring and understanding the cognitive aspect of anger as a third person without being bias.

Al things considered, I would like to conclude and say that our goal is not to do away with anger but manage it. If we train our mind and remind it this goal, we will not waste our energies and time in throwing away this anger it but in handling it in a better manner.

 

Author

Ms. Mohita Aggarwal

Psychological Counselor, An Educator and a Parenting Coach

 

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Dr. Shraddha Tendulkar published in Articles

Interesting Facts About Child’s Brain and its Development

“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” ~ Albert Einstein

What is that Mr. Einstein has to do with brain, as we all know he was an all time genius and multitalented individual and one who gave so much to human kind in his lifetime. We find it quiet handful to have such people around. It is not that we have lesser number of geniuses and compassionate people born but we are not concerned about right training to our  kids at right time, they are all potential geniuses. We as parents are far more concerned about the hungry stomach and feed the best possible nutritious food but seldom concentrate on a child’s brain which is very very hungry of information since the birth.

Let us first understand the basics of brain development and further know how we can feed this hungry young brain.

The right brain connects us to our boundless sense of being. Being is primary; hence the right brain develops first till the age of 7 year’s. 80% of your brain develops by this age; hence, ‘human being’, not human doing. The left brain is far more interested in doing and develops and dominates the right side after 7 years of age till ones life time. Young right-brain dominant children, by contrast, are quite content being.

Knowing this here we come to know how important it is for a young child to play and learn in an unstructured way rather than under burden of academics and the rules we lay down on mugging up things and even worse grading them, labelling at this tender age with adult logic.

Pushing kids to literacy and numeracy before this age will create a batch of learned stupids who loose desire to learn and explore.

Let’s remember that life is less about what we excel and accomplish in this world. Rather, life is about being present and connecting with  love to all people and nature which children do so freely and naturally. This is the feature of right brain and  the left brain sunders life into pieces, the right brain unites. This is why babies and young kids sense no distinction between themselves and their environment.

More about right brain and how to effectively help our kids use it whilst it is active at its peak in my next article.

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” ~ Albert Einstein

Article by Dr Shraddha Tendulkar

source of information and Courtesy:Glenn Doman’s literature

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INDERPREET DAVE published in Blogs

HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD FIND HER LOST THINGS

 

HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD FIND HER LOST THINGS

‘Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.’

  This is the thought of even a three year old whenever she has lost something belonging to her. It is quiet natural for any individual to be worried when they lose something which they may need urgently… and this need depends on the age we are dealing with. For an adult it may be an important file, a pen or a favourite shirt and for a child the object may range from a toy car to the school notebook.

  According to the self proclaimed Findologist Michael Solomon, author of          ‘How to find Lost Objects’…. “Don’t get frantic and keep searching around. There are no missing objects, only unsystematic searches and clutter.” Solomon says if everything is in its place, nothing will be lost.

When your young child faces such a situation you believe that a good parent’s job is to look for the thing and find it for the child so as to make her calm and comfortable. Yet this should not be the principle of good parenting. Whenever your child loses something grab this as an opportunity to help your child be both responsible and accountable or let her move a step further being irresponsible and careless. Here is an easy step wise approach that can help your child and you to work together and help build up a responsible attitude and develop critical thinking also.

  • Retrace their day with them.
  • Ask them, Where they last saw the lost item? Also When was that?
  • Ask, Was there anyone else with them at that time? This will give a good start to the search.
  • Make sure to include your child on the searching process along with you.
  • The questioning here is the most important strategy to trigger thinking in the child, so DO NOT skip it.

The easiest way to solve the problem of lost things is to go out and replace them with new ones. Unfortunately this is the worst thing a parent can do as by doing so your child will not be able to learn from her mistakes and will most likely repeat them for the rest of her life.

Some practices that can be followed by parents to make your child more responsible—

  • Repetitions helps —fix a regular routine of packing same things, at the same time and in similar fashion.
  • Make sure that your child and NOT YOU place her stuff back at its place after use.
  • Prepare a picture checklist for your ward’s things where she can put check marks for stuff placed back at its place and feel motivated when done.
  • Finally help your child understand that ‘IF YOU MESS UP, FESS UP.

By

Inderpreet Dave

DEEP Parenting

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Tanu Singh published in Articles, Blogs

Parenting Tips to Prevent Your Child From Being Stubborn

Children misbehave for many reasons, but the most common one is that they are just bored. They realize that their behavior works, especially if they get their way and get what they want by doing so. Sometimes the desire for power is also the reason behind their mischievousness since this is a way for a kid to try and assert control. So, it is important to know how to battle these actions and how to handle them in a good way.
Bright Side would love to help make your life as a parent a little easier, so i would like to present to you 9 tips on how to prevent these pesky tantrums.

1. Show them a more calm approach to situations

 


Children often like to copy their parents, so we should model their behavior and actions by teaching them to be calm. If they throw a tantrum and you start yelling at them, that’s what will become normal to them. So, instead, show them a different way to deal with their emotions.

2. Offer choices, so they can decide what they want to do

According to assistant professor Angie T. Cranor, giving your child a choice will help satisfy their need to feel in control. So, if they have to pick up their toys and then brush their teeth, ask them which one they want to do first.

3. Carry snacks with you

 


Bad behavior or a bad attitude is often due to hunger, so if you and your child are outside, carrying snacks with you might save you a potential tantrum and keep your child in a good mood.

4. Make them aware of potential bad outcomes

 

“Because I said so” is not a good reason to give to a child when they ask you why they shouldn’t do something. Always try to communicate with them and explain to them what might happen if they are misbehaving and why they shouldn’t do certain things. Make them aware of the natural consequences their actions might have, so they can learn and make better decisions for themselves later.

5. Create a home routine they have to follow and reward them for it

 


Help them develop a good routine like no TV after a certain time, helping with the dishes, brushing their teeth, and going to bed at an appropriate time. And if you want to get creative, you could draw up a board for the month. Tell them that if they follow their routine for the whole month (or 1 or 2 weeks) they could get some kind of reward of their choosing.

6. Give them logical consequences for breaking the rules

 


Logical consequences are tied to a specific misbehavior. For example, if your child doesn’t want to eat their greens, don’t let them have dessert. Or if they don’t want to pick up their toys, don’t let them play with them for the rest of the day. This is good for kids who are struggling with specific things. However, avoid consequences that aren’t logical, for example — if they don’t want to eat their food, don’t make them clean the garage.

7. Redirect the child’s attention

 


According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, sometimes kids can misbehave because they are bored or don’t know any better. So, finding them something to do, specifically something to keep them engaged and entertained, could redirect their attention to something good rather than naughty.

8. Try to ask for their opinions and solutions to problems

 


Ask them if there is a problem or if something is bothering them, if there is something wrong and they tell you what it is, sit down with them and discuss it. Try to ask for their opinions and thoughts on what they think they should do to fix a problem. If they don’t have an answer help them out a bit, but remember, it’s important to make them feel like they are solving their problem and it’s important to congratulate them and encourage them.

9. Acknowledge the emotions they are feeling and try to help them

 


Instead of acting like they are bad or mischievous, you can show them that you understand them and how they are feeling. Since emotions play a big role in a child’s behavior, it’s always good to acknowledge them. For example, a simple, “I know you’re disappointed we can’t go out to the beach today, but the weather is not good. Let’s do something else together to make up for it,” could go a long way with your child.
How do you handle the situation when your children are misbehaving? Please share any extra trips with other parents in the comments! ?

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Santosh Bakhshi published in Blogs

Dad Discipline v/s Mom Discipline

Dad Discipline v/s Mom Discipline

A Topic Seldom discussed by Parents!

 

Back in my childhood, Dad worked from 10 am to midnight. Mom was the ‘YellBox’ and when yelling didn’t work, she was the Chhittar Champion Rani, always ranking 1st in society. But when even that failed to work. — “Papa ko aane do, Daant padegi tab seedha hoga”. was the Final Warning – An Indian Patent Disciplinary Sentence proudly used for years by Indian Mothers .

This was the Final Frontier in Discipline and then Dad walked into the scene. Dad just had a look that was accompanied by deafening silence. That look meant “Feel my power”! 

Is it the same today? is there a difference between Mother and Father Discipline? Should there be a difference and how does it account for? Researchers suggest that Father and Mother discipline do differ. This has been now noted and in an unpredictable way. The indication is that children are more immediately influenced by their mothers, but that as they grow older, their father’s disciplinary practices through the years are deeply correlated with their social behavior.

 “Father Effect” as it is called, a difficult topic to be discussed in most Indian Households. Having discussed this topic with many Dads I have been astonished to know that the Dads are awkward to discuss this, Yes, even the CEO DAD!

Physical contact, nurturing, reassurance – remains difficult or not expressed much.

As each day unfolds with more uncertainties for a family today, compared to the ‘Certainty chart’ of family routine and behavior being followed upto early 2000, The traditional father as the head of the home now does not carry the acceptance as it once did. Say Researches. Modern dads might yell or be distant, but that’s no longer accepted as a norm. Children today have a substantively different concept of what a father’s role is supposed to be.

For example, it has come to light after many kinds of research, over changing times and after analyzing different cultures, that, Mothers tend to discipline kids more because they care about their social relationship with their child. That’s why mothers are more likely to take misbehavior personally and in return of which, kids are primed to react more emotionally. Dads are diagonally different here, they tend to discipline because they want their children to grow up to do well in the world and not get denied opportunities. In other words, the impact of paternal discipline may show up later in life because that’s actually the intent.

Thus, Rejection from fathers today contributes to adolescent wariness in social situations in ways that other family relationships do not. Whether harsh and rejecting or empathetic and nurturing, the scientific consensus is that dad discipline does have a substantive impact which is Slow and reflected upon when the child grows up and is out there on her/his own.

This difference is very important to be understood by the Parents themselves.

Most of the misery for the child lies in the fact that each parent wants the other parent to discipline the child, as they do. A very close family member enlightened me on this aspect recently. She stated it beautifully,

“Ishan has me as a Mother, he is served food at the table and the dining time is set at 45 mins. Post which the Table is cleared.

 Ishan has his Father, who ensures Ishan finishes the meal and scrubs the utensils clean”.

Ishan respects both disciplines as the parents don’t fight about which is the correct discipline. Ishan has learned over time to ensure the meal is consumed within 45mins of being served and the utensils to be cleaned as well.

While the above example might not be the ideal common platform of discipline to be followed by all parents, it does give us an understanding that the parents need to first respect their individualities in how they discipline the child because for the child, Both Disciplines are essential!

Who kehte hain na.. 

माँ पानी है, रोज़ पौदे को सींचती है, तो पिता खाद है,पौदे को रखता आबाद है

We need both disciplines in life! 

Santosh Bakhshi

Life Coach. Parenting Coach. A learning Father

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